Thursday, 31 March 2016

Being transgender is hard…



 


Well it comes as no surprise that transgender individuals in general experience a kind of stress that cisgender (those who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth) individuals do not, we have a lot going on.

People who identify as transwoman/transman can and often do experience stigma, discrimination, violence, and various degrees of transphobia. People who are transgender also are at higher risks for “loss pileups.” (I just love that word loss pileups) Family, friends, and even romantic partners may not understand the transition and not be able to provide love or the much the needed support. There is also a danger of job loss or financial loss, especially for transgender women. Some researchers believe this discrepancy is related to the greater difficulty transgender women have passing, as opposed to transgender men, as well as greater male privilege for transgender men. Being unemployed is not easy for anybody but just for being who you really are sucks…

There are many ways of dealing with the challenges that come with transitioning and living as a transgender individual, some are healthier than others.

So how do you deal with it I hear you say?

I think there are two basic coping styles that people use to deal with difficult things in life: Emotion-focused and problem-focused, also known as facilitative and avoidant, as my academic friends at the University tell me.

To put it in layman terms.

Avoidant coping is when you simply avoid the problem. It occurs when you avoid dealing with the emotions and thoughts that come up when you experience discrimination or loss by:

•Minimizing the issue: “I’m sure he/she/they didn’t mean it.”

•Becoming emotionally detached: “Whatever… I don’t care... So long as you’re happy”

•Over-intellectualizing: posting to friends on Facebook or similar, how the socially constructed discourse of gender and the rigid constructions of gender stereotypes are contributing to an unfriendly work environment and not adding, “It really hurt that my boss passed me over for a promotion after I started the transition from male to female.”

•Using food, drugs, or alcohol to dull your emotions or thoughts

•Isolating yourself from social interactions.

 

Paradoxically, the more you try to avoid a problem, feeling, or thought, the bigger and more anxiety-provoking it becomes your just feeding the monster..

So after much thinking and research how do you develop better coping skills with all of this stuff?

As you may of already guessed, Facilitative coping is the style use the most and I recommend. Facilitative coping is all about adaptation. It is taking whatever we are given in life and transforming ourselves or the situation to deal with it in a positive manner. The glass is half full and not half empty way of thinking is a common way of expressing this method of coping

Some ways to develop facilitative coping include:

Seeking Social and Professional Support


Seeking out social and professional support is the number one factor in decreasing anxiety and depression in transgender individuals. Discovering friends and family that are supportive of your transition, locating a local (or virtual if you live in a rural area) support group, and finding a transgender-affirmative therapist can make a massive positive impact on your experience.

Self-efficacy


As cliché as it sounds, believe in yourself! Early in the transition process, many transgender individuals experience a sense of hopelessness about the future, believing that transitioning is an impossible, daunting task. As people move further along in the transition process, these feelings begin to change as they realize they do, in fact, have the power to follow through with their transition.

Reframing


Reframing is looking at your situation in a new light. For example, reframing the difficulty one experiences while transitioning as a source of personal strength and resilience.

Acting “As if”


No one feels confident all the time. However, if you walk out the door with a smile on your face, putting out the confident air that you don’t necessarily feel in the moment, your emotions will often eventually catch up with your actions.

Learning a new skill or hobby (or reviving interest in an old one)


Cognitively challenging yourself by learning, a new skill, such as a language or instrument, has been shown to decrease anxiety and depression. Additionally, it provides an opportunity to expand your social network and find a new passion. In the same way, reviving an interest in an old hobby can be immensely fulfilling.

Education and Advocacy is the best way.


I think many transgender individuals find great joy and meaning in doing education and advocacy work for the transgender community. I know I do but I was a high school teacher for a few years so I find it easy some may not… When someone is further along in the transition process they might find a new source of meaning in helping someone new to the process, talking through the initial anxiety him or her may be facing, and offer them hope for the future based on personal experiences and of course in my case the knowledge that comes with age.

To be very honest, which is what my blog is all about.


Being transgender is hard and I knew it would be a hard thing to do especially at this stage in my life. it’s had at any time in a person’s life.  I can’t deny I had a great life “acting” as a male I guess I had everything a person wants in life and guess what… I threw it all into the air not knowing what I would be left with, being transgender is hard.

Hard on the person and hard on family and friends, some will rally round and some will walk away, to be honest I am ok with that decision if they choose to walk away it’s their problem not mine. Those who stay with you on this journey of change are worth their weight in gold as the saying goes. Therefore, in reflection from this point looking back it was the best decision I ever made to get to the point of finally coming out as me. Like me or hate me for it I’m just me.
 

Wednesday, 30 March 2016

The things you give up...

 
If you’re a cis-female rest assured you are completely immune from Man Flu.
 
If on the other hand your transgender female it's still a deadly condition you need to avoid catching... I nearly fell afoul of it at the weekend with a cold I picked up from somewhere, but I did not get Man Flu... just a common cold (wow the thing you give up just to be a woman) 
 
 
 
 
If you’re reading this rest assured your beloved XY (male) dependant partner will shortly become completely and totally dependent on you, requiring you to tend to his every need I’m speaking as a recovered sufferer.
Do not shun any request, do not forget that the affliction that he's suffering from is hundreds of times worse than the simple affliction which you know and understand as the common cold and you manage to get everything done while overcoming this common cold.
 
There are three known distinct stages to Man Flu and it's important you know your responsibilities so let’s set these out now:
 
Stage 1 for me is “I think I'm coming down with a cold.”
Don't forget, even the NHS medical experts recommend self-diagnosis, and as you already know All XY men are experts at recognising the early stages of anything.
At this point you will be expected to sympathise, any flippant comments now such as , "Oh I expect it's Man Flu is it?", will cause immediate deterioration.it just knocks them for six every time.
Preferred responses will be along the lines of, "There there, can I get you some ‘soup’ and put your favourite TV channel on for you, do you have the remote dear? Need a blanket or a pillow". This stage can last from one to three days. it’s very important you allow this time to pass otherwise things can get complicated fast.
 

Stage 2 - It's not a cold, it's the 'flu. 

Your beloved will barely be able to lift his fingers to work the remote control by now it is really a very serious phase of the condition. There will be dramatic displays of coughing and chest holding. He may well present a sniffly nose, and perhaps a ‘phantom’ fever with headaches and joint pain running his entire body. Do not mention Man 'Flu as he already knows it's life or death condition he has contracted.
Instead continue to serve comfort food like to odd bowl or bag of chocolates or crisps You may also be required to gently dab his forehead with a lightly dampened cloth. This life threatening stage for the sufferer and may last from three to five days personal hygiene can slip with some XY’s.
 
Stage 3 - It's not completely gone, but I think it's going. 
 
By this stage your beloved will be physically exhausted a total wreck of a man. He will have spent the previous seven days teetering on the brink of death only to have just pulled through by the skin of his teeth. However, he will start to feel less 'achy all over', and begin to move short distances away from the sofa or arm chair. You must of course hang in there with your pampering, you're nearly done.
The standard time for a man at this stage can typically last from six to ten days it all depends on the earlier stages and the care he received. Please be aware that any sarcastic references to Man Flu at this stage can render the hapless victim straight back to the life threatening Stage 2. Its been known to happen. He should be allowed a suitable period of convalescence (the length to be suggested by him) prior to being tasked with light household tasks forcing tasks of any importance on to him will set him back day and scar him. 
Now I have had a bit of fun at the expense of all of my male friends.
 
Just by coming out as a transgender female, I have not only managed to evade the dreaded Man-Flu from this point onwards… I have learned the world still turns on its axis and chores have to be done. Kids need picking up from school, feeding and the days washing done, to my Mum, Wife and Daughter I’m truly sorry. 


To my son and other XY’s reading this get your backside up and do something it’s only a cold. By the way, the photo is a stock photo and is not intended to offend or imply anything other than a man with man-flu.

 

Monday, 21 March 2016

Transgender Day of Visibility




Transgender day of Visibility is normally shortened to TDOV when it is written down so if you see TDOV you will know what it is standing for.
 

TDOV is a day to show your support for the transgender community.

The general aim is to bring attention to the accomplishments of transgender people around the globe while fighting cissexism and transphobia by spreading knowledge of the transgender community. Unlike Transgender Day of Remembrance, this is not a day for mourning: this is a day of empowerment. Therefore, I hear readers saying when is the day well it’s on March 31st every year!

You can find it all over the place there are Facebook posts about it and look out for the hashtag #tdov on social media.

This year’s theme is more than visibility (#MoreThanVisibility) this recognizes that while visibility is important, we must take direct action against transphobia around the world.

Visibility is not enough alone to bring transgender liberation. Some people experience violence due to their visibility and some others do not want to be visible. However, we can use visibility as a vital tool for transgender justice.

So on the 31st  March, please discuss and talk about transgender on your social media posts and join in if there is any activity happening in your area, Transgender people are normal people just like your brother or sister, Mom or Dad they are not monsters or strange just people who need love like everybody else.
 

P.S.

I love hugs… so if you see me give me a big hug it will make my day for sure…
 
 

Wednesday, 9 March 2016

Research on being Transsexual/Transgender person




Transsexual/Transgender




Let’s start right at the beginning of a person’s life as this is where all things start off, it’s when everything is created and set, and we have to live with what we receive it’s a case of the good, bad and the ugly… you don’t get a choice in all of this it just happens. 

I have spent many hours researching the information below, to be in a position to actually put out the information I believe to be correct within the current understanding of transgenderism in 2016. These are of course mine and other peoples research and all credit to the people who undertook the detailed studies and research, I'm not trying to pass all of this information as my own so please don't think that I am...

All human foetuses start off in a female configuration, and in the absence of biochemical instructions to the contrary, will develop into baby girls --- irrespective of their chromosomal sex. This 'female by default' development is overridden in normal male foetuses by a complex sequence of hormonal processes. 
It starts about six weeks after conception, when the SRY gene on the Y chromosome causes a weak male hormone precursor to be secreted. This causes the foetal gonads to differentiate into testes instead of ovaries. Some weeks later, the primitive testes start working, and secrete a large dose of testosterone (the principal male hormone), which causes the foetal brain to differentiate into the male pattern. It is at this point that the brain structure responsible for gender identity, as well as all the other well-known (and measurable) brain differences between men and women, is laid down.

Transsexualism is caused by that second burst of hormones failing to happen, or only happening very weakly (many male-to-female transsexuals do exhibit some masculine mental tendencies, but retain the feminine gender identity, suggesting that the masculinisation of the brain went part of the way and then failed). 
In the case of the most extreme primary transsexuals, with no detectable brain masculinisation at all, the second hormone surge is probably entirely absent. There are a number of possible reasons for this failure; in some cases, the genitals do not develop normally, and therefore do not manage to secrete testosterone on schedule to alter the brain. This is likely to produce a certain degree of physical intersex in the infant as well as transsexualism. Most transsexuals, however, are not obviously intersexed, so subtler causes must be involved.

Overall, I think the condition seems to have three possible causes there could be more but I have singled out the three most common thinking by the people who know this stuff:



1.     Chromosomes: by no means the only cause, but the easiest possibility to identify. As many as 1 in 400 of the population have a karyotype other than XX (standard female) or XY (standard male), some of the other combinations can give rise to a variety of conditions including transsexualism and intersex. A few, but by no means all, transsexuals have a non-standard karyotype, leading to hormonal 'confusion' during foetal development. 
2.     Chemicals: some drugs that were administered to pregnant women (most notoriously diethylstilboestrol), or oral contraceptives unknowingly taken after conception, frequently caused transsexual offspring by disrupting the hormone processes. There is also increasing evidence that some pollutants can have the same effect --- many man-made chemicals are known to mimic oestrogen and/or disrupt androgen receptors; especially substances like polychlorobiphenyls and dibenzodioxins, which were very widespread in the 1950's and 1960's, before their hazardous nature was realised and they were banned. Polychlorobiphenyls were even used as ingredients in makeup in those days --- many women were exposed to dangerously high levels of these chemicals. 
3.     Random events: sometimes, the biochemistry simply fails to work properly --- things just go wrong for no very clear reason. Perhaps the expectant mother is anaemic or the foetus is undernourished for some reason, or maybe maternal hormones cross the placenta in sufficient quantity to disrupt foetal development (progesterone in particular is very good at blocking the action of testosterone). The process by which a fertilised ovum develops into a complete baby human is so unimaginably complex that there is an almost unlimited number of things that could go wrong.

Some other causes have been suggested in the past, but have by and large been discredited. In particular, all variants of the 'nurture' explanation (which suggests that the infant was subject to a 'wrong-gender' upbringing --- perhaps the parents really wanted a girl, not a boy) can be discounted, now it is known that male-to-female transsexuals have physiologically female brains --- after all, neither upbringing nor cultural influences can change the pre-natal wiring of one's brain.

Once the relevant stage of pregnancy has passed, there is no way that the foetus's brain-sex (and hence gender) can be altered: postnatally, hormones can alter the body, but the brain remains forever as it was born. 

This is why it is impossible to change a transsexual's gender to match their natal sex. I did ask the specialists I saw at the NHS Gender Identity Clinic this question and their answer was of course just the same as above. "You don't get to turn the clock back" was one reply that I felt comfortable with, as its totally true isn't it.

It may seem strange to some out there to change someone's body-sex to match their gender, but it is the only treatment possible, as the brain cannot be altered to match the natal physiological sex. So gender reassignment ('sex-change') is the only successful way of treating transsexuals.

There are a number of ways in which transsexuals deal with their condition, and many transsexuals will pass through several of these as 'stages' on their journey to self-fulfilment.

Denial
This is not a way of dealing with being transsexual, but is something that all transsexuals probably go through at some stage. Trying to convince themselves that they are not really transsexual, or will grow out of it, or 'ignoring it and seeing if it goes away', all characterise the denial phase. Denial does not usually work for too long, and there is considerable evidence that transsexuals who fail to escape this stage frequently commit suicide. Figures suggest that as many as forty one percent of transsexuals that are not diagnosed and treated soon enough to prevent them from taking their own lives. This is a stage that some can spend years in being totally unhappy and confused at their feelings and actions. I know sometimes life overtakes you and you end up in a vicious circle of denial, hiding behind psychological masks that allow you to function partly day to day. Finally it all becomes too much and like a house of cards it all comes tumbling down around you and the situation has to be addressed.

No Action
A few transsexuals come to a realisation of what they are, but consciously choose to live with the discomfort of an inappropriate body and gender role, perhaps because of religious beliefs or perhaps for the sake of wife or children. In a few cases, transsexuals may live in a way more reminiscent of transvestites, only expressing their true gender on agreed occasions. This type of adaptation is nearly always found to be unsatisfactory for the true transsexual, and similar problems to those of the Denial phase then occur. Leaving family to wonder why they didn’t discuss it with them more, in 2016 most people are in fact able to understand a close family member informing them they are transsexual, it tends to be fear of being rejected and ridiculed for telling everybody who they really are that holds people back from coming out.

Social Reassignment
For many transsexuals, the most pressing need is the need to alter their gender role and to live in accordance with their gender identity. This means, for a male-to-female transsexual, living completely as a woman. This is usually, but not always, done as a step in a journey leading to hormonal and surgical gender reassignment, but some people choose to stop here (and usually label themselves as 'transgenderists'), or maybe even to live a 'mixed-gender' lifestyle --- a few people with Gender Dysphoria feel that they are neither truly male nor truly female.
For male-to-female transsexuals, permanent removal of facial hair by electrolysis is usually a necessary step, and is usually done before, or just after, social reassignment. It is time-consuming, expensive and painful: two years of treatment at two or three hours per week is often required, at a cost that can often exceed £25-£30 per hour. Many people find the pain barely tolerable, even with a local anaesthetic. It is normally impossible to obtain electrolysis from the NHS, so the transsexual must pay for private treatment.

Hormonal Reassignment via GIC
Most transsexuals undertake hormone treatment to bring their body shape and appearance into closer accord with their gender identity. Hormone treatment may start before or after social reassignment: a few transsexuals can 'pass' in their new social role without hormone treatment, many may require some months of treatment before undertaking social reassignment. In Britain, hormones can only be prescribed by a consultant psychiatrist as part of a gender reassignment programme, this normally takes place in a Gender Identity Clinic (GIC) the specialists at the current seven UK clinics are known as the services GateKeepers 

Gate keeps safety check

The initial hormone treatment is largely reversible if stopped early, and this is often used as a gate keeper safety check to prevent people who are not truly transsexual (such as confused transvestites who convince themselves that they are transsexual) from taking a disastrous course of action. Since transvestites have male brain structure and core identity, and their behaviour is mediated by male sex hormones, their cross-dressing behaviour stops when female hormones are administered. 

This effect is used to 'weed out' people who are not true transsexuals: a true transsexual will feel natural and happy under the effects of female hormones, anyone else will feel wrong and will stop their apparent cross-gender behavior as male hormone function ceases. The reasons of being given cross sex hormones is there for a double edged sword.
Large doses of hormones are used to overcome the body's own sex hormones, which carry some risk of side effects that need to be monitored every 3 months while being prescribed hormones After genital surgery, the dosage is greatly reduced as the body no longer produces hormones in opposition to the prescribed ones, but a post-operative transsexual will need to take a maintenance dose of hormones for life.

Some transsexuals continue in a pre-operative state for long periods, taking hormones and living in their preferred gender role, but perhaps never having surgery. There is evidence that continuing the high hormone dosages required for pre-op transsexuals for long periods may be harmful.

Male-to-female hormone treatment causes development of breasts, usually rather small, as well as redistribution of body fat and a general feminisation of the figure, hair and skin. Body hair is often reduced but not removed, and hormones seldom have any large effect on facial hair. Hormones will not alter a male voice (nor will genital surgery), so male-to-female transsexuals must usually undertake some kind of speech training, learning to raise and soften the voice as well as using more feminine inflection and vocabulary.

Surgical Reassignment
This is seen by some as the entire purpose of the long process of gender reassignment, while others feel that it is more of a final step to achieve congruity of body and mind after the really hard work of establishing a life in the proper gender role has been done.

The process, for male-to-female transsexuals, involves removal of the male genitals and the construction of a set of female genitals (excluding uterus and ovaries, of course) using material from the male genitals. Present state-of-the-art surgical technique produces a very good approximation to natural female genitals (even gynaecologists have been known not to realise that a patient is a post-op transsexual), with fairly good nervous sensation, although of course it is dependent on the skill of the surgeon.

The operation is a major surgical procedure (requiring about ten days in hospital, and four hours or more under anesthetic), is quite painful and invariably expensive. Many transsexuals in Britain opt for private treatment as it has become very difficult, and impossible in many areas, to obtain NHS treatment and the waiting lists are very long.
No reputable surgeon will perform surgical reassignment without recommendations from two psychiatrists. 

Under the NHS England clinical guidance it is normally impossible to obtain permission for surgery without performing what is known as the 'Real Life Test' where a person has to be living and working as a woman for at least one year but most specialist’s insist on a minimum of two years real life test before surgery is considered. However, to undergo NHS surgery you have to meet some very stringent conditions laid down pre surgery, this alone is enough to inhibit the surgery from happening as planned. Failure to meet these conditions has meant some males who attend their pre surgery appointment have been turned down and sent to the back of the waiting list as they didn’t meet all of the criteria at the time of the pre-op, this alone is enough to make most think of surgery overseas. 

But ensuring you meet the required targets laid down by the gate keepers and the surgeons you are guaranteed quality NHS care, overseas this might not be the case and all care has to be paid for by the patient including complications etc.

Cauliflower & apple soup


Well my recipe's tend to lighten the blog a bit and add something a little bit different.
I try to choose easy recipes that are useful to know about and are generally good for you and of course a little off the wall, as they say. So, here is one I made just the other day.

I make Cauliflower and walnut soup quite a bit in the autumn, but that can make a grayish soup, plus some people don't like walnuts it tastes nice to me but you feast with your eyes first, so this one is made with apple rather than the walnuts.

As part of the brassica family, more commonly known as cruciferous vegetables, cauliflower contains antioxidants and phytonutrients that can protect against cancer, fiber that helps with satiety, weight loss and a healthy digestive tract, choline that is essential for learning and memory as well as many other important nutrients. Just one serving of cauliflower contains 77 percent of the recommended daily value of vitamin C. It's also a good source of vitamin K, protein, thiamin, riboflavin, niacin, magnesium, phosphorus, fiber, vitamin B6, folate, pantothenic acid, potassium, and manganese.





Ingredients

  • 50g butter
  • 4 onion, thinly sliced
  • 1½ kg cauliflower (about 2 large cauliflowers), broken up into very small florets
  • 8 eating apple - 6 cored, peeled and chopped, 2 unpeeled and cut into matchsticks
  • 2 vegetable stock cubes, or gluten-free alternative, crumbled
  • 1½ l milk
  • 8 tbsp single cream
  • olive oil, for drizzling
  • a few thyme sprigs, leaves picked

Method


1.      Melt the butter in a saucepan, add the onions and fry gently until softened. Add the cauliflower and diced apple and fry for 5 more mins. Add the stock cubes and milk and bring to the boil, then reduce to a simmer and cook for 5 mins, or until the cauliflower and apples are tender.

2.      Use a hand blender or liquidiser to purée the soup until smooth and season (the soup can now be chilled for up to 48 hours or frozen, just reheat to serve). Divide into bowls and swirl 1 tbsp cream in each along with a drizzle of oil. Top with the apple matchsticks and thyme.