The things you give up...

 

If you’re a cis-female rest assured you are completely immune from Man Flu.

 

If on the other hand your transgender female it's still a deadly condition you need to avoid catching... I nearly fell afoul of it at the weekend with a cold I picked up from somewhere, but I did not get Man Flu... just a common cold (wow the thing you give up just to be a woman) 

 

 

 

 

If you’re reading this rest assured your beloved XY (male) dependant partner will shortly become completely and totally dependent on you, requiring you to tend to his every need I’m speaking as a recovered sufferer.

Do not shun any request, do not forget that the affliction that he's suffering from is hundreds of times worse than the simple affliction which you know and understand as the common cold and you manage to get everything done while overcoming this common cold.

 

There are three known distinct stages to Man Flu and it's important you know your responsibilities so let’s set these out now:

 

Stage 1 for me is “I think I'm coming down with a cold.”

Don't forget, even the NHS medical experts recommend self-diagnosis, and as you already know All XY men are experts at recognising the early stages of anything.

At this point you will be expected to sympathise, any flippant comments now such as , "Oh I expect it's Man Flu is it?", will cause immediate deterioration.it just knocks them for six every time.

Preferred responses will be along the lines of, "There there, can I get you some ‘soup’ and put your favourite TV channel on for you, do you have the remote dear? Need a blanket or a pillow". This stage can last from one to three days. it’s very important you allow this time to pass otherwise things can get complicated fast.

 

Stage 2 - It's not a cold, it's the 'flu. 

Your beloved will barely be able to lift his fingers to work the remote control by now it is really a very serious phase of the condition. There will be dramatic displays of coughing and chest holding. He may well present a sniffly nose, and perhaps a ‘phantom’ fever with headaches and joint pain running his entire body. Do not mention Man 'Flu as he already knows it's life or death condition he has contracted.

Instead continue to serve comfort food like to odd bowl or bag of chocolates or crisps You may also be required to gently dab his forehead with a lightly dampened cloth. This life threatening stage for the sufferer and may last from three to five days personal hygiene can slip with some XY’s.

 

Stage 3 - It's not completely gone, but I think it's going. 

 

By this stage your beloved will be physically exhausted a total wreck of a man. He will have spent the previous seven days teetering on the brink of death only to have just pulled through by the skin of his teeth. However, he will start to feel less 'achy all over', and begin to move short distances away from the sofa or arm chair. You must of course hang in there with your pampering, you're nearly done.

The standard time for a man at this stage can typically last from six to ten days it all depends on the earlier stages and the care he received. Please be aware that any sarcastic references to Man Flu at this stage can render the hapless victim straight back to the life threatening Stage 2. Its been known to happen. He should be allowed a suitable period of convalescence (the length to be suggested by him) prior to being tasked with light household tasks forcing tasks of any importance on to him will set him back day and scar him. 

Now I have had a bit of fun at the expense of all of my male friends.

 

Just by coming out as a transgender female, I have not only managed to evade the dreaded Man-Flu from this point onwards… I have learned the world still turns on its axis and chores have to be done. Kids need picking up from school, feeding and the days washing done, to my Mum, Wife and Daughter I’m truly sorry. 


To my son and other XY’s reading this get your backside up and do something it’s only a cold. By the way, the photo is a stock photo and is not intended to offend or imply anything other than a man with man-flu.