Being transgender is hard…

 

Well it comes as no surprise that transgender individuals in general experience a kind of stress that cisgender (those who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth) individuals do not, we have a lot going on.

People who identify as transwoman/transman can and often do experience stigma, discrimination, violence, and various degrees of transphobia. People who are transgender also are at higher risks for “loss pileups.” (I just love that word loss pileups) Family, friends, and even romantic partners may not understand the transition and not be able to provide love or the much the needed support. There is also a danger of job loss or financial loss, especially for transgender women. Some researchers believe this discrepancy is related to the greater difficulty transgender women have passing, as opposed to transgender men, as well as greater male privilege for transgender men. Being unemployed is not easy for anybody but just for being who you really are sucks…

There are many ways of dealing with the challenges that come with transitioning and living as a transgender individual, some are healthier than others.

So how do you deal with it I hear you say?

I think there are two basic coping styles that people use to deal with difficult things in life: Emotion-focused and problem-focused, also known as facilitative and avoidant, as my academic friends at the University tell me.

To put it in layman terms.

Avoidant coping is when you simply avoid the problem. It occurs when you avoid dealing with the emotions and thoughts that come up when you experience discrimination or loss by:

•Minimizing the issue: “I’m sure he/she/they didn’t mean it.”

•Becoming emotionally detached: “Whatever… I don’t care... So long as you’re happy”

•Over-intellectualizing: posting to friends on Facebook or similar, how the socially constructed discourse of gender and the rigid constructions of gender stereotypes are contributing to an unfriendly work environment and not adding, “It really hurt that my boss passed me over for a promotion after I started the transition from male to female.”

•Using food, drugs, or alcohol to dull your emotions or thoughts

•Isolating yourself from social interactions.

 

Paradoxically, the more you try to avoid a problem, feeling, or thought, the bigger and more anxiety-provoking it becomes your just feeding the monster..

So after much thinking and research how do you develop better coping skills with all of this stuff?

As you may of already guessed, Facilitative coping is the style use the most and I recommend. Facilitative coping is all about adaptation. It is taking whatever we are given in life and transforming ourselves or the situation to deal with it in a positive manner. The glass is half full and not half empty way of thinking is a common way of expressing this method of coping

Some ways to develop facilitative coping include:

Seeking Social and Professional Support

Seeking out social and professional support is the number one factor in decreasing anxiety and depression in transgender individuals. Discovering friends and family that are supportive of your transition, locating a local (or virtual if you live in a rural area) support group, and finding a transgender-affirmative therapist can make a massive positive impact on your experience.

Self-efficacy

As cliché as it sounds, believe in yourself! Early in the transition process, many transgender individuals experience a sense of hopelessness about the future, believing that transitioning is an impossible, daunting task. As people move further along in the transition process, these feelings begin to change as they realize they do, in fact, have the power to follow through with their transition.

Reframing

Reframing is looking at your situation in a new light. For example, reframing the difficulty one experiences while transitioning as a source of personal strength and resilience.

Acting “As if”

No one feels confident all the time. However, if you walk out the door with a smile on your face, putting out the confident air that you don’t necessarily feel in the moment, your emotions will often eventually catch up with your actions.

Learning a new skill or hobby (or reviving interest in an old one)

Cognitively challenging yourself by learning, a new skill, such as a language or instrument, has been shown to decrease anxiety and depression. Additionally, it provides an opportunity to expand your social network and find a new passion. In the same way, reviving an interest in an old hobby can be immensely fulfilling.

Education and Advocacy is the best way.

I think many transgender individuals find great joy and meaning in doing education and advocacy work for the transgender community. I know I do but I was a high school teacher for a few years so I find it easy some may not… When someone is further along in the transition process they might find a new source of meaning in helping someone new to the process, talking through the initial anxiety him or her may be facing, and offer them hope for the future based on personal experiences and of course in my case the knowledge that comes with age.

To be very honest, which is what my blog is all about.

Being transgender is hard and I knew it would be a hard thing to do especially at this stage in my life. it’s had at any time in a person’s life.  I can’t deny I had a great life “acting” as a male I guess I had everything a person wants in life and guess what… I threw it all into the air not knowing what I would be left with, being transgender is hard.

Hard on the person and hard on family and friends, some will rally round and some will walk away, to be honest I am ok with that decision if they choose to walk away it’s their problem not mine. Those who stay with you on this journey of change are worth their weight in gold as the saying goes. Therefore, in reflection from this point looking back it was the best decision I ever made to get to the point of finally coming out as me. Like me or hate me for it I’m just me.