If you’re
a cis-female rest assured you are completely immune from Man Flu.
If on the
other hand your transgender female it's still a deadly condition you need to
avoid catching... I nearly fell afoul of it at the weekend with a cold I picked
up from somewhere, but I did not get Man Flu... just a common cold (wow the
thing you give up just to be a woman)
If you’re
reading this rest assured your beloved XY (male) dependant partner will shortly
become completely and totally dependent on you, requiring you to tend to his
every need I’m speaking as a recovered sufferer.
Do not
shun any request, do not forget that the affliction that he's suffering from is
hundreds of times worse than the simple affliction which you know and
understand as the common cold and you manage to get everything done while
overcoming this common cold.
There are
three known distinct stages to Man Flu and it's important you know your
responsibilities so let’s set these out now:
Stage 1 for me is “I think I'm coming
down with a cold.”
Don't forget, even the NHS medical
experts recommend self-diagnosis, and as you already know All XY men are
experts at recognising the early stages of anything.
At this point you will be expected
to sympathise, any flippant comments now such as , "Oh I expect it's Man
Flu is it?", will cause immediate deterioration.it just knocks them for
six every time.
Preferred responses will be along the
lines of, "There there, can I get you some ‘soup’ and put your favourite
TV channel on for you, do you have the remote dear? Need a blanket or a
pillow". This stage can last from one to three days. it’s very important
you allow this time to pass otherwise things can get complicated fast.
Stage 2 - It's not a cold, it's the
'flu.
Your beloved will barely be able to
lift his fingers to work the remote control by now it is really a very serious
phase of the condition. There will be dramatic displays of coughing and chest
holding. He may well present a sniffly nose, and perhaps a ‘phantom’ fever with
headaches and joint pain running his entire body. Do not mention Man 'Flu as he already knows it's life
or death condition he has contracted.
Instead continue to serve comfort food
like to odd bowl or bag of chocolates or crisps You may also be required to
gently dab his forehead with a lightly dampened cloth. This life
threatening stage for the sufferer and may last from three to five days
personal hygiene can slip with some XY’s.
Stage 3 - It's not completely gone, but
I think it's going.
By this stage your beloved
will be physically exhausted a total wreck of a man. He will have spent the
previous seven days teetering on the brink of death only to have just pulled
through by the skin of his teeth. However, he will start to feel less 'achy all
over', and begin to move short distances away from the sofa or arm chair. You
must of course hang in there with your pampering, you're nearly done.
The standard time for a man at this
stage can typically last from six to ten days it all depends on the earlier
stages and the care he received. Please be aware that any sarcastic references
to Man Flu at this stage can render the hapless victim straight back to the
life threatening Stage 2. Its been known to happen. He should be allowed
a suitable period of convalescence (the length to be suggested by him) prior to
being tasked with light household tasks forcing tasks of any importance on to
him will set him back day and scar him.
Now I have had a bit of fun at the
expense of all of my male friends.
Just by coming out as a transgender
female, I have not only managed to evade the dreaded Man-Flu from this point
onwards… I have learned the world still turns on its axis and chores have to be
done. Kids need picking up from school, feeding and the days washing done, to
my Mum, Wife and Daughter I’m truly sorry.
To my son and other XY’s reading this get your backside up and do something it’s only a cold. By the way, the photo is a stock photo and is not intended to offend or imply anything other than a man with man-flu.
To my son and other XY’s reading this get your backside up and do something it’s only a cold. By the way, the photo is a stock photo and is not intended to offend or imply anything other than a man with man-flu.
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