What is gender identity and the art of being
normal…
Growing up I had one goal - to be invisible or close to invisible
as possible.
My gender identity didn’t match my physical body when I was growing
up, this of course caused me to have discomfort and distress with my body
to a very high level a lot of the time.
I know a lot of teenagers hate the way they look, but having
gender identity issues is totally different and is not experienced by
99% of teenagers for the ones who do it's normally hell.
To survive I found hiding behind psychological masks and building a
psychological wall helped me to survive. All the time I studied the males
around me and copied how they behaved in order to just survive; I had
discovered the art of being classed as normal… Everyday was like being an actor
in a stage play and the costume made the part real, I never let my cover slip
despite being in an all boys school some girls might think it would be a
dream surrounded by boys every single day in school, but never being able to be
me and having to hide away destroys the person for sure.
I’m not a male homosexual in anyway, I have never wished or wanted to be
with a man in that way… that's sexual orientation not gender identity.
So you just learn to fit in and blend away in plain sight of the rest of
the world, I learned to play the part of a young male and divulged in
male activities and hobbies that was accepted by fellow teenagers. I
soon became a master of being male,
I hoped that I could make the most of my life with the brain of a woman
trapped in a male body and for a very long time I did, but like most thing in
life, maintenance is required and I had become slack at maintaining my
male appearance and attitude to all things. Something that starts as
a trickle can soon become a river of emotions. Once you allow Pandora’s
box to open its impossible to put the contents back and carry on, this is
when my gender dysphoria came to the forefront of my life, I decided to spend
some time researching gender identity and spent time looking for information
the felt true to me and how I felt.
I basically discovered it’s a sense of a persons self as being male
or female or somewhere along the male/female spectrum, gender identities are
diversifying and its quite uncommon to change your gender identity, a lot
of people never go any further than dressing in private male or female.
I made the decision not to live any longer as people expect and
finally be female, some think it’s a choice a person has, but to put it bluntly
they are really ignorant to gender issues. I have discovered religion
can be the cause of narrow mindless in accepting gender identity disorders
which is sad as I’m not a threat to them or their religion. I guess you could
take the stance that God doesn’t make mistakes there for its his will that
I transition from male to female?
The truth is I don’t know why some people don’t understand it
and so do, if someone expresses misunderstanding about transgender I just walk
away as you can’t change people and their narrow minds only they can seek
the information on transgender and educate themselves.
I now know I can’t change the world and some people views or ideas
on transgender however I can offer them information and try to explain to them
about transgender and transitioning but some still don’t understand or
should I say don’t want to understand.
So the art of being normal is finally in my grasp for the first
time, not having to hide who I am from people is a breath of sweet fresh air.
I know its sad to say but I do hope the people I have come across who
fail to accept me experience similar somewhere in their own lives.
In this world some people may identify as transgendered it’s a fact of
life. In other cases these experiences are transient, fluid and part of a
persons own development, but occasionally, if the gender dysphoria persists,
the person may wish to seek further support and medical help, I know this from
my own experience of being transgender. I just hope some one reading this
is helped by my words and seeks help and is accepted by their family and
friends for being themselves.
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