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Tuesday, 5 January 2016

My new life



 


 
Well coming out at work has been much better than I could have ever hoped it could have been.

I am genially surprised at the level of support my co-workers have been offering me, I have had loads of hugs and well done you messages, it has taken me back for sure.

 

I thank everybody for your support you have shown me and offered me.

 

Well I still have a very long way to go on this path I have to go down it’s not a choice a transgender person really has the only choice is when you have to face the truth or keep on running, for me it was Now I can’t put off doing that needs to be done. Otherwise it would have been the morgue for me, it hurts me to admit that, but that was sadly my option as I saw it, others may see it different that I will not know but for me it was an end point and a turn in the road.

 

I awake each morning excited at what the day will bring me and who will as me stuff about coming out and being transwoman, I told a couple of people today about a question a certain member of the medical profession asked me very early on, "Why do you think you want to be a woman" I was shocked but that was the idea I think, so I replied honestly and said "I don't want to be a woman". "I am a woman" strangely enough the questions changed... and that is how I have always viewed myself a woman trapped in a male body, my parents always said I should have been a girl and my older sister the boy, I guess they were right as far as I'm concerned,. It would have made life much easier for me if I was complete from day one as a girl.

 

It’s not until you take the plunge and come out as transgender will you ever know what people think of you, I have been lucky and had just about 100% positive support from the people I have talked to about being transgender. Yes, it was a shock to them to hear or read it in an email message as I had hidden my female self so well for nearly 50 years I had become a true master of disguise. I know some people will not like the news but in the UK we have the equality Act that helps to protect you and in work if it’s a large company they generally have a policy on the whole thing,

My place of works HR department has been 100% behind me and my department has put together a communication plan to release the news to all (3,578 staff at the last count). Although coming out is a personal thing I have found you need to explain to people about being trans as they really don't know much or anybody else personally who is transgender and they want to avoid saying the incorrect thing and feel on edge around you. Therefore, they can just take the easy option, and steer clear leaving you feeling isolated and alone. My personality is to go and see them and break the ice say hi do you want to talk? If they know you well they will want to say something. I have discovered it’s a two way street and both side has feelings and feel loss and shock, time can heal most things but it can also be a barrier and come between you.

 

I am now waiting on a letter from the NHS Gender Identity Clinic to my doctors to tell them to prescribe female hormones to me and arrange full blood tests, so the effects can be monitored and the hormones adjusted to suit me. How cool is that? I will finally get to feel at home in my own body for the first time in nearly 50 years :-).

I hope I'm not expecting them to be the cure-all of my transgender issues but I do hope they start to sort this body and mind out for once. I have done the suicide thing a couple of times its a dark place for sure and I never want to be in that state again.

 

Early on I read about transgender people being very suicidal at times, and thought huh not me... how stupid I must have been, to think all of this wouldn't cause me great suffering at some point and it did.

I am grateful I saw some way of getting through it all at that time and called out for help... I was 100% committed to doing it as well It was a very cut and dried thing and in my mind logical. In everybody else’s it was of course not. However, desperate people do desperate thing I am afraid. I yet don’t know if I will get that bad again I just hope I don’t for everybody around me who has shown me support and love, I owe them to live through the change and come out a champion, and a dam fine woman.

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