I'm not LGBTQ where do I go for help and support?

 I'm not LGBTQ where do I go for help and support?

The answer is Straight Partners Anonymous (SPA) they are a support organisation for straight (Heterosexual) people who discover or who are told that their partner is identifying as Lesbian Gay Bisexual or Transgender (LGBT) and need help in coming to terms with this discovery and support in their decision about what to do next.

Straight Partners Anonymous was set up back in 2008, they have been running online since 2011 and operate from the UK.

SPA’s say on their webpage their that purpose is to bring together straight people whose relationship with their gay, lesbian, or bisexual partner is in crisis. The nature of the crisis can be variable; perhaps the LGBT partner has just come out, or perhaps they feel they are unable to come out of the closet. We exist to support and help each other, not to criticise gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people. Our bywords are confidentiality, privacy, and respect.

If you are the LGBT partner in the relationship, please pass this web address below to your straight partner and encourage them to get in touch. We are here to support them. However, you may find our perspective useful, so please feel free to browse through the website.

https://straightpartnersanonymous.com/contact-us/

You have to remember your partner has to go through several stages once you "come out to them" you have more than likely had years and years to process how you identify and have been masking your feelings, till you can no longer cope with not being who you feel you really are? Your partner will have feelings of Denial and Shock, and then they will have masses of Anger and Resentment, with this comes questions like

How could my partner have done this to me?

Why didn’t he/she tell me this before we got together?

He/she really didn’t love me at all?

He/she is a coward and a fraud?

I don’t deserve this when I’ve tried hard to make him/her happy?

Doesn’t he/she care about our children and how this will affect their lives?

He/she obviously doesn’t respect me because he/she has cheated and lied...

The list goes on and on depending on the situation, and how long you have been in the partnership/marriage as you might have experienced or are expecting people will also feel a sense of Withdrawal and Depression, this is usually when your partner realises that nothing they can think say or do will change your orientation! For some people that means becoming a single parent and/or financial instability, whilst others will have lost confidence to trust their own judgement and fear that they’re unable to survive alone. 

At some point doesn't your partner will have to reach a point of Acceptance this is when they reach the conclusion and understand that your sexual orientation and the failure of your relationship aren’t, anybody's fault.

Now not every transgender person is interested in the opposite sex say they transition from male to female they may not want to be with men and feel no sexual attraction to males. They may still love females and be attracted to females just as cis lesbians do. 

Some may not come out to the world and just be happy expressing their feminine nature in the privacy of their own home. There are always ways to stay in a marriage if both parties still love each other and wish to make it work.

Teenagers tend to be well educated in Transgender issues and can have peers who have identified as a different gender, or who are experimenting with their gender identity and trying to Identify as he, her, they or them. This doesn't make them a bad person now does it? As a parent we all want the best for our children and for them to be level-headed and happy making the right decisions as they grow to become adults in this world, able to hold their own and be successful in that ever they decide to do in their lives.

If your child comes to you and starts talking about gender please sit with them, listen to them be there for them. Help and support them, help them explore their feelings. Remember common sense is not that common and children have to grow and develop their own common sense in life! Adults who set the rules give guidance and allow children to grow but remember they don't know everything,!  

I know of some people who have been left homeless just for saying they are Transgender, in my mind there is no reason for such action to make it so they have to sleep on the streets where it's totally unsafe for them adult or child. 

Finding yourself

Coming out as transgender is a long process.

 

I discovered this despite wanting a quick transition, let me explain further. 

I came out in 2014 to my family and they all accepted me, my daughter wasn't surprised and had guessed I was trans, so much for keeping it under the radar! 

I came out at work in 2015 and It was a planned coming out, (I was a Project manager at the time.) I didn't want to be the subject of department gossip around the water cooler. So I came out and all went well I worked with the HR department and the diversity team where I worked, I became the go to person for Trans issues and events. they would invite me to all sorts of events to show they were LGBTQ friendly and accepting company. At first I was pleased to be in the spot light but after a while I began to feel the company was using me and my transition. So I left the employer and took a more relaxing job with another company than employed me as a woman, the fanfare of having a trans member of staff in the past job was over, I enjoyed my newly found freedom. Then the world had Covid19, working from home and all that, little did we know the world was about to undergo massive social changes because of Covid19 and as I write this we are still having to have booster jabs for Covid in fall 2022.

All this working at home during lockdown in the uk I had time to reflect on my transition I asked my self several questions on transition. One has it gone to plan? Two was I happy  and Three would I change anything? Three big question I guess every trans person thinks at one time or another. 

So to answer as quickly as I can, yes it did go to plan and I would recommend anybody coming out to plan as much as you can so you can control the biggest event in your life as much as possible, okay I'm aware you can't ever control every aspect of a transition but having information to hand to educate people you work with is a must. to educate family on the in's and out's of being transgender is very important. A lot of people including family will not get the need to come out and you will get Dead named a lot of the time. you have to develop a thick skin to being Dead Named, I found people don't do it on purpose they forget especially if they are old or of a forgetful nature. 

Two, yes I am very happy but it did take a while to find the real me... You see I have hobbies that I stopped doing as I thought it wasn't girly enough so I stopped doing the things that brought me a lot of joy, one of these hobbies was motorcycles. During lockdown I decided to buy another motorcycle for transport and to get some fresh air from working at home. I was the best thing I could have done I got so much pleasure throwing my leg over the bike and just riding somewhere. I now have a couple of motorcycles mainly off road trials bikes, that I ride as and when I wish. I started looking for YouTube female riders and found several including itchy boots Girl on a bike and Saffy Sprocket. I quickly realised its acceptable to be a female and ride a motorcycle. I feel that being the real me is a very complex thing and being happy is a very important part of good mental health. You have to be happy in the skin your in.

Three, would I change anything, I guess yes I wouldn't stop doing things that make me happy as women do everything and the boundaries are only in your mind, yes you might get strange comments and looks from some people but I discovered I can deal with it, as I have the enjoyment being happy gives me. I think it's their problem if they don't like me or understand who I am. Being in a good place you have a special energy that builds you up and gives you the I can do this attitude.

So if you find yourself considering changing back to the old you (detransitioning) stop and ask yourself what's causing you to think that might be the solution to the situation as you probably were very unhappy pre transition so you are likely. to be in the same loop in a short while? being You doesn't have to have a label you can identify as who you feel best as, for me it's female. Lockdown had given me the chance to look at myself and reflect on my life and what is important.  During lockdown the NHS stopped all non essential surgeries and that included upper and lower surgery for a lot of people transitioning, the waiting lists is vey long and the NHS has been dropping people off the surgery lists. you have to jump through hoops once again. so its back to the gender clinics to be put back on surgeons lists for upper and lower surgery. 

So from Covid 19 I have learned a lot about myself and about people around me, people have lost friends and family in covid it has been a time to reflect on life and and the changes brought to us all with Covid19. 

You have to stay positive and accept things you can't change and embrace the life you have, there are losses along the way in every life that we have to overcome and come to terms with. so moving forward live the life you have and enjoy every second you have. The Pandemic has shown us how it can be taken away in a second.

(all copyright to the image used acknowledge sorry if any infringement )

So the Genie is out of the bottle time to Transition.

So you have now decided to transition and be the real you, not just a secret.

Well you have come to the right place for information on my transition, and how it might help you to transition. I went from male to female but the process is the same for female to male.

First I recommend two things one, buy a box file for paperwork, and two, start generating a timeline starting as young as you can remember feeling at odds in your body, for me I was five years old.

But for you it can be any time you realised it was all wrong and someone or something had made a massive mistake with your body.

(At this point I would like to say GOD doesn’t make mistakes you are how GOD intended you to be… so if your religious or your family are let’s get that out in the open now before I move on, I say this because my family are Christians and church going, I tend not to bother GOD as he appears quite busy with other goings on).  

So once you have a timeline keep adding to it, documenting what you’re doing and events that are important to your transition. You can thank me later…

At some stage of your transition you will have to change your name by legal deed-pol, (in the UK) there are free sites out there, just check that they are legally accepted as a lot are not. I went to a solicitor and got an official deed-pol, but that was my choice. 

You will need to carry out your name change on everything that holds your old name, from bank accounts to utility bills, council tax to store cards, passports and driving licences everything.

The sooner you do this, and keep a record and any evidence of it the better.

When you finally get your first appointment with the gender clinic, if you can prove you have lived in your chosen gender for a period of time, which should be able to do with your timeline document this in theory should reduce the time you spend waiting to get the Clinics okay for hormone treatment.

I was concerned with how I looked and I didn’t want to be outed as a male transitioning to female, so look at what people of your age group are wearing, and aim for something similar or a little understated, if you want to blend into society fairly hassle free. For goodness sake don't overdo things like make up or outlandish outfits. Just be yourself and confident, keep your head held high, going about your everyday business, if you look and feel confident in your chosen clothes and makeup you will not stand out like a sore thumb, you will be surprised as most people won't even notice you. Which means you’ve passed as your chosen gender which in my case Female.

Transitioning is quite a long process but assuming you have already reached the decision to transition let’s move on.

It’s best to visit your chosen General Practitioner GP/Doctor, and ask to be referred to a gender clinic, you can normally choose which one, but do bear in mind, you'll need to attend the Gender Identity Clinic a lot of times during your transition, but tell your GP which gender clinics you want to be under however, at present there isn't many to choose from in the UK. 

It’s wise to ask the doctor for a copy of the letter they send referring you to a GIC, (do you remember the box file I said get at the beginning, stick it in there) unfortunately all too often I hear that their GP/Dr 'forgot' to send the letter and they have lost 6 months waiting to hear back from the GIC and lists are horrendously long as it is.

So at some stage you will need to tell your Family, Employer, Work colleagues and Friends, be prepared as they might not react the way you wanted or expected either from Family or friends ect. Remember it’s taken you quite a while to get to this point… But explain everything to them, how you feel and why you are doing it.

With some luck your family will come round, but it may take some time for them to digest the news. Your employer will have a duty under the law to accept your news (Equalities Act 2010 if you’re in the UK) and deal with anything untoward from colleagues and co-workers. If you’re in a trades union they are also are very helpful and are fully LGBTQ compliant with current issues and the law etc. my Union was the GMB and were faultless in helping me, as was the companies Unison’s rep which was nice.

copy and paste these wiki links to learn more. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equality_Act_2010
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_Recognition_Act_2004

Is the UK a safe place to be Transgender in 2018?

I know from some recent Stonewall research just how bad things are, if you are trying to get on with your life as a transgender person in Britain today. 

It is known that in the last twelve months, two in five trans people have experienced a hate crime or incident. I know because I was one of the statistics of an unsolved hate crime against me, while simply doing my weekly shopping in the town where I live.

Every day in the UK, transgender people continue to be mocked, excluded, bullied and attacked, simply for existing. I have personally tried with all my heart to make a successful transition, but at the moment I have real doubts on it being successful and I am now even considering de-transitioning on the grounds of my safety. (More on that in a future blog)

Now, other countries are openly agreeing that Britain is in fact an unsafe place for transgender people. How can that be? We were leading the world at one stage on transgender recognition and rights. But the other year, a tribunal in New Zealand granted asylum to a transgender woman from Britain on the basis that her life would be in danger if she returned to the UK.

This should by all rights be considered a national embarrassment, that this is where the UK is on it’s LGBT rights and acceptance.We simply cannot continue to call ourselves a world-leader in LGBT-inclusion, nor a beacon of equality for diverse communities.

It sadly appears that many of our mainstream media from newspaper articles to general social media all seem to have gone to the Donald Trump school of non common-sense.  I think they have in fact even stepped up a gear, over recent months in their attempts to make all the vile transphobia acceptable, even questioning the right of transgender people to even exist in their world.

We must make sure that this isn't something that is ever going to be open for debate, as doing so is giving the go ahead to these messages, that has a very real and devastating real-world consequences for transgender people who just want to live their lives.

Many trans people feel unable to be themselves because of this treatment, whether at work, using public transport or even just shopping for groceries.

Its sad new to hear that the woman recently granted asylum in New Zealand told the courts that she would have to wait until late night to shop for her essentials in Britain. I know we have started to do the similar I don’t thing of going shopping until 8:30pm  or 9pm on a quiet Monday evening. The woman did this so she would be around as few people as possible, because she felt too afraid and unsafe to be herself in public, which is how, I feel nowadays in the UK.

It appears that transphobia in Britain filters down into our children in the UK schools too.We have research that shows almost half of under 18 year old transgender people have attempted suicide, yet in the schools just two in five of the teachers condemn transphobic bullying which is very sad news.

I have read that towards the end of 2017, the government is planning to have a public consultation on reforming the Gender Recognition Act, which if done correctly has the potential to transform the current very invasive and bureaucratic system that governs how transgender people get legal recognition of their new gender. 

As a nation we cannot allow Britain to continue to be an unsafe place for transgender people its currently a unwelcoming and frightening place for transgender people to live work or play. The situation we are in today is totally shameful and avoidable. I only hope the up coming changes to the Gender Recognition Act will be a catalyst for a total change in the publics attitude to transgender people in the UK

 I think People think a person just wakes up and decides to be transgender…

 

 

 

 

The newspaper headline reads, “Gender identity clinic services under strain as referral rates soar” like it is our fault we identify as transgender.
Such headlines sell papers and get airtime I guess but there is another side to headlines like that, as the funding for all NHS care becomes squeezed and people are denied care and treatment for various conditions. It is easy to target a venerable sector of the population isn’t it? (In the UK approximately 650,000 people that’s about 1% of the population, are estimated to experience some degree of gender non-conformity)

 

With some new GIC patients waiting up to four years for appointments figures show referral increases of up to several hundred per cent. The increase in referrals to gender identity services runs parallel with society hopefully becoming more accepting of transgenderism.

 

The number of Britons seeking gender identity treatment has shot up dramatically in recent years, leaving vulnerable people waiting years for a specialist appointment. They unfortunately become trapped in a situation that can be devastating to them and their families. Most GP’s will not know or understand what this situation feels like to the transgender person, just waiting having their whole life on hold. Waiting for the first of many appointments with months between each appointment and medical evaluations and assessments made before any hormone treatment is granted only then can the transgender person start their slow transition from male to female or female to male. There is the additional period of living in role that has to be completed on top of the wait to see the Consultants in the GIC’s.

 

It is not a short journey you embark upon when you identify as being in the wrong body, it is not a whim or a phase this rise in the numbers of people seeking to transition it is just human development.  As we all develop a greater understanding of who we are and how we feel, and how we should be viewed in the world by everyone else,  plus the development of western society to move away from the binary thought of male/female, to having a third gender where we accept that a person is able to change from one gender to another in order to continue to live.

 

Figures obtained under the Freedom of Information Act reveal increases in the number of referrals to all of the UK’s 14 gender identity clinics (GICs) in recent years, with a number of clinics experiencing increases of several hundred percent.

 

At Charing Cross in London, the oldest and largest adult clinic, the number of referrals has almost quadrupled in 10 years, from 498 in 2006-07 to 1,892 in 2015-16.

 

A clinic in Nottingham reported a 28-fold increase in referrals in eight years, from 30 in 2008 to 850 in 2015. It expected this to increase to more than 1,000 referrals during 2016.

 

The Laurels clinic in Exeter has seen a 20-fold increase in referrals in a decade, from 31 in 2005-06 to 636 in 2015-16.

 

Referrals to Sheffield’s clinic went up from eight in 1998 to 301 in 2015.

 

At a GIC in Leeds, referrals tripled from 131 in 2009-10 to 414 in 2015-16. The increase put such a strain on the service that last October it estimated that new patients would have to wait four years for their first appointment.

 

While the clinic in Daventry, Northamptonshire, which I attend, has had a five-fold increase in the past year alone, up from 88 referrals in 2014-15 to 466 in 2015-16. The latest figures released by the trust shows that most people attending their first appointment with the clinic this month had their referral accepted over 40 weeks earlier.

 

My only hope is that the government doesn’t put the squeeze on the funding that covers the gender clinics as suicide rates in the Transgender community is already way to high and cutting the funding for clinics, medication and surgery will leave people feeling all is lost and suicide an answer to their sufferings, which we know it isn’t. 

 

Leaving the EU and triggering article 50 may have an impact on the lives of transgender people living in the UK, It’s down to the UK government to raise the bar on Equality and set an example for the rest of Europe to look up to and to follow. 

 

 

 

Gender Identity Clinic’s UK first appointment.

 



Your first appointment will normally be an hour and you will be doing a lot of talking. You will talk about how you feel about your gender and your body, about what you want out of transition, what you expect to happen and when - there are no wrong answers.

It’s just to prep you for the process ahead. You will talk about your transition so far, so if you have officially changed your name amended your driver’s licence passport informed work or made any other efforts toward transition, then take all the evidence you can to support your case. I found it useful to write an open letter detailing from early years to present day, showing feeling and events that confirmed how I felt and whom I should be.

There is quite a bit differences between the FtM and the MtF pathways, so I cannot really explain from first hand experance at how it might go if you're FtM.

But the common areas will be you will need to be booked in for blood tests and a psych evaluation, and then sent another appointment for about 3 to 6 months’ time. I travel to my clinic, which is 135 miles each way by road. I get all my blood tests done in my own surgery practice and send the results back to the GIC, or I will perhaps take them with me on the next appointment at the GIC.

Your experience will vary depending on your needs, everybody is different and your disposition, where you are in the whole process and the outcome you wish to receive is taken into account.

The treatment you will get does make a big difference to your pathway. If you are after hormones and hormone blockers, (FtM people may be more hoops to jump through I don’t know.) However, everybody has to undergo about 2 years real life experience (RLE), and possibly additional requirements to fulfil for longer if the GIC thinks you need it.

To the best of my knowledge, the pathway is nothing like clear-cut, I have read many conflicting recollections from people and each experience differs to the next.

It used to be that clinics were reluctant to prescribe/refer people if there were not clearly identified 'gendered' outcomes to aim for; this was due to the irreversible effects from the treatment. People who go into the process without a clear picture of what their desired outcomes are, tend to bounce around the system for much longer. So from your first appointment have a clear understanding what you want from the appointments and the GIC.

 

Is surgery on your list? If so, have a clear understanding what is involved and how you go about it. The GIC’s like everybody to be 100% sure before and medical assistance is offered they have targets you need to meet or hoops the gatekeeper’s demand you full fill. In fact, they like us to be really really sure, before any medical/surgical intervention. The surgeons will have additional waiting lists for the operations, so if you are requiring full surgery make sure you are within the agreed BMI range the surgeon needs you to be within it is for your own benefit. (Just search prolapse womb on google) Not nice… and being above your BMI raises the risks significantly.  

Another question many others and I asked is what to wear?

There is no set dress code as I can see, but they do expect you to be “fully” expressing your chosen gender as soon as possible. So being male to female I always made sure I’m dressed correctly for a female, either smart wear or casual, but I always have to feel comfortable and at ease first in whatever I have chosen to wear. Don’t worry too much was a comment I got and be yourself… I took they were referring the new female me and not the old male me! The GIC’s generally expect you to be full time living in the chosen gender within 12 months (or sooner) of your first appointment at the GIC.

Don’t self-administer medication and buy from the internet, the GIC’s really frown on such activities as the medication is unknown and unmonitored and you can damage your body which in turn will then take you longer to achieve the results you were after. Hormones do so much to your whole body so wait as the GIC’s request you do, when they are happy to prescribe hormones and blockers they will. It’s like changing a Mini to a Rolls Royce both are cars but totally different in every way so is the male and female bodies, you would expect a DIY’er  to do the work nor do the GIC’s so don’t mess…

 

 

Have a look at this NHS page for official info from the NHS.

http://www.nhs.uk/Conditions/Gender-dysphoria/Pages/Treatment.aspx

 

Having a ball...

Enjoying summer in the UK... It's always different every day, other countries can more or less guarantee their summer weather, but not hear in the UK my Dad would often say as I was flying through the door, take a coat with you... if it's raining please yourself, it still makes me smile as I tell my children the same thing and they reply in a similar way that I did haha.

We are just not set up for anything above the mid to late 20's centigrade every year we wish for a dry hot summer and as soon as it arrives we wish for cooler weather. What I wasn't ready for was the difference I found this year with my hair extensions on my head! Would you put a tight fitting woolly hat on in 30'c+ heat? Well with a full head weave you have just that going on 24/7. There is nothing you can do during the day, and certainly nothing you can do when you try to sleep. Shopping in a large store with air conditioning really helps for a short time since we don't have air con at home that's the only time during a heatwave I feel normal again, well if scouting the store for the cool breeze is normal😜.
On saying that I do love my hair extensions and I'm very happy with my hair length and style even this unseasonably hot Brittish weather, I guess I'm having a ball as Nicola.

An update on Hormones… for the Male to Female



There I was sitting the consultant’s office at the gender Clinic, and I had just been told I was able to undergo hormone treatment. Apart from doing, cartwheels in my mind as you do… the first question that entered my mind “What Changes Can I Expect”.  I guess this is quite a natural thing to ask the consultant after all it was little old me asking them, the second question was blurted out without taking a pause from the first question, it was of course “How Soon Will I See the Changes”?

His answer was straight to the point just as my questions were. It went something like this…

If I have a ball of string in my office draw, do you know how big the ball of string is, and how long it entire length might be? Looking shot down I looked back at him waiting for the next line or phase to smack me back down to earth.

In fact, he said, if I told you I really had two balls of string would that make it any easier?

I thought for a brief second and answered how could knowing you had two balls of string help it’s just made my estimate of the lengths even harder as I don’t know if they are made up of used string new string  or a mix of the both…

Smiling he answered me by saying exactly!

That is what you have just asked me to tell you about how you will change on hormones. I know you will see and feel changes, but effects of the changes on everybody is different and happens at different speeds it’s down to each person. I could see his logic in it all so decided to do my research on line and just see what life brings me.  

 

Hormones for me have brought mind and body closer together, which of course eases gender dysphoria and helps me feel better about my body. I generally feel less anxious, less depressed, much calmer, and happier with the first few weeks of taking hormones.  I know for some people this psychological change happens as soon as they start taking hormones, and for others it happens as physical changes happen.

I now know the degree and rate of change depends on factors that are different for every person, including your age, the number of hormone receptors in your body, and how sensitive your body is to the medication. There is no way of knowing how your body will respond before you start hormones.

Taking anti-androgens alone (without oestrogen) has relatively mild effects. The changes you see/feel will be caused by the medication blocking the effect of testosterone in your body. I have been told most of the changes are reversible (i.e., they will reverse if you stop taking the medication).

Just like the consultant told me, typical changes from anti-androgens (vary from person to person), average timeline Effect of blocking testosterone 1–3 months you will notice,

• Decrease in sex drive starting anti-androgens

• Fewer instances of waking up with an erection or spontaneously erections; some MTFs also have difficulty getting an erection even when they are sexually aroused it varies that much between different people.

• decreased ability to make sperm and ejaculatory fluid

• Slower growth of facial and body hair (usually at least slowed or stopped “male”-pattern balding by around 2 years on the medication)

• Slight breast growth

Anti-androgens affect the entire body. It is not possible to pick some changes and not others. You don’t get prescribed just anti-androgens you normally get Oestrogen as well so here is some info on it.

Taking oestrogen has stronger physical “feminizing” effects, caused by the oestrogen’s direct influence on cells of your body that have oestrogen receptors and by an indirect suppression of testosterone production.

Typical changes to be expected from oestrogen vary of course from person to person but as a quick guide from my research, knowledge and personal experiences the timeline for oestrogen after 1–3 months of taking the medication is something like this

• softening of skin

• Decrease in muscle mass and increase in body fat and the redistribution of body fat to a more “feminine” pattern

• Decrease in sex drive

• Fewer instances of waking up with an erection or spontaneously having an erection; some MTFs also find their erections are less firm during sex, or can’t get erect at all

• decreased ability to make sperm and ejaculatory fluid

• Nipple and breast growth

• Slower growth of facial and body hair after 1–2 years

• slowed or stopped “male”-pattern balding

• Decrease in testicular size

Again, Oestrogen affects the entire body. It is not possible to pick some changes and not others.

I found breast and nipple growth starts early but it is gradual – the Clinic told me it can take two years or more for breasts to reach their maximum size.  As in non-trans(Cis) women, there is great variation in how large breasts grow from naturally produced oestrogen. In many MTF’s breasts do not grow beyond an A or B cup so don’t expect Pamela Anderson “Bay Watch” chest.  However if you are not happy with the size of your breasts after 18–24 months on oestrogen, you can consider surgical augmentation. The implants will look most natural if you wait to get as much growth as you can from hormones.

Most of the effects of hormones happen in the first two years. During this time, the doctor who prescribes your hormones will want to see you 3–4 times in the next year at first, then every six months.

At appointments in the first two years, your doctor will likely:

• look at your facial/body hair and ask how fast your hair grows back after you remove it

• measure your breasts, hips, and testicles, and examine your breast/nipple development

• ask about changes to your sex drive, erections, or other sexual changes

• order a blood test to see what your hormone levels are or ask you to have them prior to your appointment so they have current data at your appointment

• ask how you feel about the changes that have happened thus far.

Normally after two years have passed, you will likely just be asked if you notice any further changes from the hormones. I think most of the changes brought on by “feminizing” hormone therapy are not really 100% permanent. If you stop taking the medication, most of the changes will reverse or reduce themselves.

However, there are two types of changes that may well be permanent: breast growth and sterility. If you are taking anti-androgens without oestrogen because you don’t want visible changes, you should be aware that you may have some breast growth (although it will happen slowly, so you can stop early on if you need to). Breast growth from anti-androgens is usually minor and reversible, but in some cases, the breast tissue has remained even after anti-androgens had been stopped. Oestrogen causes permanent nipple development and breast growth. Even if you stop taking oestrogen, breast tissue will not go away and your nipples will not shrink. Both anti-androgens and oestrogen affect your production of sperm.

I believe the long-term effects on fertility are not fully understood and the ability to make sperm may or may not come back even if you stop taking the medications.

So what won’t change and the list is quite long?

Hormone therapy won’t solve all body image problems. The point of hormone therapy is to feel more comfortable with your body by bringing physical characteristics closer to your internal sense of self. This relief can increase self-esteem and make you feel more confident and attractive. However, you will find that there are also attractiveness standards after hormone therapy, and you may not fit them.

Hormone therapy won’t make you into somebody else. Many people experience positive emotional changes with hormone therapy. However, you will likely find, after the excitement wears off, it does given time, and you have incorporated the changes into your day-to-day life, that if you were shy you’re still shy, if you didn’t like your laugh you still don’t, and you’re still afraid of spiders. Whatever things you think of as your strengths and weaknesses will still be there. I hope that you will be happier, and that is good for anyone.

Hormone therapy may help you to be more accepting of yourself I know it has for me so far. However, if you are expecting that all your problems will pass away, and that everything is going to be easy emotionally and socially from here on in, you are probably going to be quite disappointed.

Transgender people who were depressed because of gender dysphoria may find that taking hormones greatly alleviates their depression. However, please note if you have depression caused by biological factors, the stresses of transphobia or unresolved personal issues, you may still be depressed after you have taken hormones. Hormones will not get rid of those problems and you should have realised this prior to taking hormone treatment, if you truly don’t have gender dysphoria taking these hormones will screw you up totally, be really sure of what you wish for!

Some MTFs hope that after they make physical changes they will be validated as “real” women, or feel more accepted by the trans community well it doesn’t always work that way in life. However, the idea that trans people aren’t “real” unless they’ve changed their bodies is transphobic, and communities or groups that have this belief are not likely to be fully respectful in terms of trans people’s identities and bodies. During the various stages of transition, it is common to dream about finding an ideal community of trans people. When starting hormones there can be a particular drive to find other people who have gone through similar experiences.

There are I guess a lot of very cool trans people to talk with about hormones. Nevertheless, having taken hormones doesn’t automatically make all trans people welcoming, approachable, or sensitive to the needs of others, and despite having some experiences in common you will likely find that no trans person will exactly mirror your personal experiences, identity, and beliefs I know I didn’t or should I say I haven’t yet. So being realistic about the likelihood that you will at times feel lonely and alone after you start taking hormones is part of emotionally preparing for hormone therapy.

Hormone therapy will not remove all “male”/“masculine” aspects of your body; some physical characteristics are not and cannot be changed by hormone therapy, or at best are only slightly changed. My father would often be heard saying about something or other, “you can’t make a silk purse out of a sow’s ear” and this old saying of course can be used when it relates to taking hormones when your transgender. Once your bones have stopped growing after puberty, feminizing hormone therapy won’t change the size or shape of your bones. Facial feminizing surgery can be used to change the shape of the skull and facial features, and to reduce a prominent Adam’s apple. There are no treatments you can take to reduce your height or the size of your hands/feet.

Hormone therapy may make facial and body hair grow more slowly and be less noticeable, but hair will not go away completely. Electrolysis and/or laser treatments are used by many MTFs for hair removal it is expensive and a slow process.  NHS in England will cover the cost of 6 or 8 treatments but these are best left for genital surgery, my consultant advised me.  While “male”-pattern baldness may slow down or stop; (I hope my research is correct at this point) bald areas will not regrow hair, but dormant hair follicles may start growing again and give you less of a male pattern hair loss. Some MTFs use wigs or weaves, while others get hair transplants or other medical treatments.

Also “Feminizing” hormone therapy does not change voice pitch or speech patterns. Speech therapy can help change pitch and other aspects of speech associated with sex/gender. Some MTFs have surgery on their vocal cords or the surrounding cartilage to try to further raise voice pitch.

Most of importantly and the reason I keep this blog is please be informed.

Understanding how hormones work, what to expect, possible side effects/risks, and guidelines for care gives you the tools to be in charge of your health and to make informed decisions.

 

Do your own research and ask questions loads of questions if you have to. There are a lot of health risks associated with taking hormones and loads of side effects to be aware of only through knowledge can we be sure to arrive at the point we want to be at. I use the Plan-Do-Check-Act cycle this is a four-step model for carrying out change. PDCA was made popular by Deming and I use it in my day job and in life as you can see.

It puts you in the driving seat of change, my thoughts were simple, do I need to come out as trans  my answer was, YES and how do I do that? I needed to "Plan" what was need to be thought about and done, I then started the "Do" bit and came out, "Checked" it was what I needed to do and "Acted" upon it and then started planning the next phase and so on... As I move on in my transition I just repeat the PDCA cycle over and over. Its working well and I'm in control as much as I either need or want to be and the results keep on happening day by day.

 

Recent update on my hormones

 

The Gender clinic has upped my dose to 3mg oestrogen from 2mg and moved the blocker injections closer together now at 10 weeks and not the 12 weeks I was having the injections at, fingers crossed it all helps and doesn't cause an issue, but with hormones you never know! That's why I'm against self medication of a transition, you need the all the checks done and regular blood work to highlight and up's or down's in your body.  If I was self medicating from internet bought drugs my levels could be all over the show and I would realise until something happened to me, so please don't self medicate I know it's very tempting but equally very dangerous and could easily kill you, or stop you from transitioning completely. What a thought,  you couldn't be who you should be because you didn't do it right...

 

Gender Identity Clinic and Gender Recognition

In 2014 we saw the most significant changes to gender recognition in the UK since the Gender Recognition Act was enacted in 2004.

This was because England, Scotland and Wales made it legal for couples that are legally the same sex to get married.
Before these reforms, couples where one or both partners were seeking gender recognition had to end their marriage or civil partnership first. With same sex marriage legalised, some couples in this situation can remain married or in a civil partnership. This for me and my partner was a big deal changer, as we have been married for 33 years, a long time and divorcing each other was never on the table for us.
This has of course also had a significant impact on transgender people in the UK also; I think the whole system for treatment was not ready for the knock on effects as the Bill was passed. At the gender Identity Clinic I attend in Northamptonshire they have seen referrals go from 70 per year to 70+ per month with the waiting time increasing for patients. The released figures show less than 21 weeks for the first appointment I actually waited 29 weeks and I guess others are going to see longer waiting times in the future.

However, saying that… the service I receive at the clinic is totally fantastic I couldn’t wish for better and a person going privately at a clinic wouldn’t get better the Northamptonshire clinic is NHS England funded and like most if not all NHS services its stretched to breaking point.

I see two consultants Dr Khoosal and Dr Timmins who is a Consultant Neuropsychiatrist, at the Northamptonshire clinic.

Dr Timmins

Dr Khoosal

Dr Timmins has worked at Northamptonshire Healthcare Foundation Trust since 2001 and began treating gender identity disorder in his neuropsychiatry practice having gained experience of gender and sexual dysfunction in acquired brain injury.  Dr Timmins is Director of Medical Education for Northamptonshire Healthcare Foundation Trust.

The clinic is often attended by doctors in training as well as senior non-consultant grade doctors. I have first hand experience of having a room “full” of medical staff at my recent appointment, its quite intimidating, but they are all professional and put you at your ease very quickly.

The administrative organisation of the team is led by Jeanette Clark who has been responsible for the clinic Co-ordination since 2008.  She provides a friendly and usually immediate response to any client contacting the service.

I can’t speak highly enough of the specialist’s and staff at the clinic in Northamptonshire, being transgender is never easy but the people at the clinic are very understanding and none judgemental I would rate them as outstanding in the care they have offered me.

The clinic is easy to find and parking is free, and I have always been able to park which is unlike my local hospital in Cheshire where it’s a total lottery if you get a parking space. The Northamptonshire Gender Service is based at Danetre Hospital, Daventry.

Northampton Gender Identity Clinic

 

Northamptonshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust
Denetre Hospital
London Road
Daventry
Northants
NN11 4DY

Telephone: 01327 707200

Email: genderclinic@nhft.nhs.uk  

Website: http://www.genderclinic.northants.nhs.uk/ 

Further Information

Lead Clinician: Dr Byran Timmins

Responsible NHS Trust: Northamptonshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust

The Clinic has a Cafeteria next to the unit, with coin operated machines for out of hours and a staffed café /restaurant serving during key hours. It’s a friendly open area, especially if you arrive early or are waiting for someone in the clinic. I must say the whole place is clean and it doesn’t look or smell like a hospital… 

The beauty for me is it’s a couple of hours plus drive south for us and we lived previously in the nearby town of Brackley the home of Mercedes F1 and others. So we know the area very well and visit the town’s shops as well as other villages and towns in the area.

On the way to Brackley we normally pop in to the Heart of England Pub/Hotel in Weedon Northampton NN7 4QD Northamptonshire for a meal, if we don’t eat at the hospital (that is)the pub does good inexpensive food, with a wide choice from the menu the staff have always been OK with me and my family which is always good to hear isn’t it. Being Transgender you hope for this, but occasionally you don’t get it in public places.