Gender Identity Clinic and Gender Recognition

In 2014 we saw the most significant changes to gender recognition in the UK since the Gender Recognition Act was enacted in 2004.

This was because England, Scotland and Wales made it legal for couples that are legally the same sex to get married.
Before these reforms, couples where one or both partners were seeking gender recognition had to end their marriage or civil partnership first. With same sex marriage legalised, some couples in this situation can remain married or in a civil partnership. This for me and my partner was a big deal changer, as we have been married for 33 years, a long time and divorcing each other was never on the table for us.
This has of course also had a significant impact on transgender people in the UK also; I think the whole system for treatment was not ready for the knock on effects as the Bill was passed. At the gender Identity Clinic I attend in Northamptonshire they have seen referrals go from 70 per year to 70+ per month with the waiting time increasing for patients. The released figures show less than 21 weeks for the first appointment I actually waited 29 weeks and I guess others are going to see longer waiting times in the future.

However, saying that… the service I receive at the clinic is totally fantastic I couldn’t wish for better and a person going privately at a clinic wouldn’t get better the Northamptonshire clinic is NHS England funded and like most if not all NHS services its stretched to breaking point.

I see two consultants Dr Khoosal and Dr Timmins who is a Consultant Neuropsychiatrist, at the Northamptonshire clinic.

Dr Timmins

Dr Khoosal

Dr Timmins has worked at Northamptonshire Healthcare Foundation Trust since 2001 and began treating gender identity disorder in his neuropsychiatry practice having gained experience of gender and sexual dysfunction in acquired brain injury.  Dr Timmins is Director of Medical Education for Northamptonshire Healthcare Foundation Trust.

The clinic is often attended by doctors in training as well as senior non-consultant grade doctors. I have first hand experience of having a room “full” of medical staff at my recent appointment, its quite intimidating, but they are all professional and put you at your ease very quickly.

The administrative organisation of the team is led by Jeanette Clark who has been responsible for the clinic Co-ordination since 2008.  She provides a friendly and usually immediate response to any client contacting the service.

I can’t speak highly enough of the specialist’s and staff at the clinic in Northamptonshire, being transgender is never easy but the people at the clinic are very understanding and none judgemental I would rate them as outstanding in the care they have offered me.

The clinic is easy to find and parking is free, and I have always been able to park which is unlike my local hospital in Cheshire where it’s a total lottery if you get a parking space. The Northamptonshire Gender Service is based at Danetre Hospital, Daventry.

Northampton Gender Identity Clinic

 

Northamptonshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust
Denetre Hospital
London Road
Daventry
Northants
NN11 4DY

Telephone: 01327 707200

Email: genderclinic@nhft.nhs.uk  

Website: http://www.genderclinic.northants.nhs.uk/ 

Further Information

Lead Clinician: Dr Byran Timmins

Responsible NHS Trust: Northamptonshire Healthcare NHS Foundation Trust

The Clinic has a Cafeteria next to the unit, with coin operated machines for out of hours and a staffed café /restaurant serving during key hours. It’s a friendly open area, especially if you arrive early or are waiting for someone in the clinic. I must say the whole place is clean and it doesn’t look or smell like a hospital… 

The beauty for me is it’s a couple of hours plus drive south for us and we lived previously in the nearby town of Brackley the home of Mercedes F1 and others. So we know the area very well and visit the town’s shops as well as other villages and towns in the area.

On the way to Brackley we normally pop in to the Heart of England Pub/Hotel in Weedon Northampton NN7 4QD Northamptonshire for a meal, if we don’t eat at the hospital (that is)the pub does good inexpensive food, with a wide choice from the menu the staff have always been OK with me and my family which is always good to hear isn’t it. Being Transgender you hope for this, but occasionally you don’t get it in public places.

Down The Rabbit Hole

I have struggled for decades and decades with my Transgender and often likened my struggle with Alice in wonderland and the rabbit hole, last year I suddenly found myself sitting on the edge of losing everything and having a loss pileup of my own…

With Transgender issues, you have to wear many masks to please everybody including yourself, I might add... Then you try to function as those around you have come to expect you to function, some people manage this for just a few “teen” years others put in place coping mechanisms that enable you to carry on for a much long time.

However, just like sitting and playing around a large opening in the ground, you just like Alice one day will slip and fall down, something may become so oppressive and upturning that you find that you have finally had enough of hiding your true feelings.

At this point I fell down this rabbit hole on a trip that I didn’t know where it would end, or what sort of mess I would have to deal with, all I knew was it was time. We do not have a choice in being transgender we do however, have a big choice in what we do about it.

It’s making that choice people find hard, but with careful planning and truth you can at least reduce the loss pileups you encounter. There will be some friends and family who "don't get it" I'm still not sure what they don't Get but I have enough happening not to worry what they understand and what they don't understand, I just point everybody to these pages and hope it helps them to understand Transgender issues as well as picking up a good recipe to cook with. My father would say at this point "you can take a horse to water but you cant make it drink" so I guess he is right yet again on this subject. Dad's have a habit of doing that...
 

I Guess what I'm trying to convey, is true friends will be there for you. People you do not know will also come out of the woodwork and be there for you, and some will run a mile in the opposite direction despite being family or close friends. You cannot read a book by its cover as they say and you cannot prejudge people in your life. All I have ever promised them who are there for me is the truth nothing more nothing less.

 

I can’t advise anybody to go down their own magical rabbit hole, I can’t tell you everything will be ok because it might not be. I am finally honest with myself and I feel finally free but not alone, as I feared. If you seek the same it will be your freedom and yours alone, all the pieces of your life will come together given time and understanding.
If someone is a dumbass with most things you hold dear its a safe bet they will be a dumbass with you telling them your transgender, well at least they are consistent... even if its failing to understand or considering how you feel and wish to express yourself.
It's their issue not yours, so just move on if they really want to know they will ask and find out at their own time and pace, if you're like me and  have known since you were five your body was all wrong, it comes as no real shock, but for someone who has taken you at face value its a big thing, and they can back away. 

 

The secret has to be in telling people your transgender is to drip feed them the bits of info you have over time, judge their reaction to the information and news, and then adjust your approach to the subject of transgender. Something like

"Have you seen the TV show being Jazz" they will either say yes or no, or pass a comment on it.

You now have a very slight insight into their knowledge and understanding, or viewing habits it’s a place to start, I would say something like "I was channel hopping and it came on, its about a transgender teen" the conversation from there onwards can open up or just end. but its starting the dialogue on transgender. If they start quoting the Bible or some other religious text or start saying cruel unkind words about Transgender people, I would just walk away from the subject as they are a tough nut to crack and you don't need the emotional hangover this person will give you at this time.

Other people may react to you talking about Being Jazz TV show in a more positive way and show understanding and you can start to show your expressions and feelings a bit more. Avoid the sledgehammer approach as it leads to drama and misunderstandings all round, however at times it’s the easiest way "drop the news and run" return to them later on to pick up the pieces, and answer a whole load of questions. Some about you and transgender but quite a bit of it affects them and their interaction with you, be honest and truthful it may hurt buy lies destroy relationships.

My family have over the past 18 months have realised I am still me, I buy daft items still on EBay, dive under cars to fix them and fiddle with the house wiring and plumbing when it needs looking at. They have quite naturally had to consider their role in all of this change and are they threatened by the changes, it’s not just me it’s everybody I interact with every day. They all have to adjust to the new me (as I posted earlier on the blog site "everybody's so different but I haven't changed").   

I have been me since I was born, and knew who I am since I was perhaps five or six. Therefore, I have had time /years to come to terms with being transgender and that has taken me 40+ years to come out, so waiting for someone else to "get it" is easier to understand when you think about it. Give them time, space and understanding, and carry on transitioning, as it is your life and if they want to be in that life they will and if not they will stay away. It is not worth getting depressed or ill over it; you more than likely knew it was not going to be an easy journey. However, you have started, that took guts to do, so pat yourself on the back and stay positive, hang in there. Before you consider it, Suicide is not a way out, it leaves so many holes in people’s lives and they will all wish you had contacted them and been in contact telling them how you feel. In the UK we have the Samaritans.They are there for you 24 hours a day, 365 days a year. If you need a response immediately, it is best to call them on the phone. This number is FREE to call. Tel:116123

It's Complicated for Sure

I have discovered over the past year that transition can be complicated and confusing, not just for me but everybody I come into contact with. Information is not necessarily all there or in one place or it’s not that easy to find exactly what you’re looking for, there are a lot of what I would call “trans 101” articles on the web for cis people, but I felt not so many to actually help trans people through transition. Hopefully my blog will be of some help in solving that.

Just a side note…I am not your therapist or doctor and cannot give medical advice. If you have questions or concerns about your health in particular, please do give your doctor a call.

One of the early questions I asked when I finally came to terms I had gender dysphoria, was how do I stop having gender dysphoria? It was a natural reaction I felt as I had read how devastating being trans can be to a person’s whole life and I mean whole life past and present all gets affected by this.

This was followed up with “Is there a therapy or some tablets that can take that will cure me”?

I heard the reply come quite bluntly from the medical profession, Nicola there is no psychotherapy or drug that will make you stop having gender dysphoria. That was as you can imagine a blow, I was standing on the edge about to lose everything and the only help and advice was initially said to me was basically you have gender dysphoria and no quick fix. I know some things in life are like this and we have to simply pick up what’s left of your world and carry on…

Every time I asked for “a cure or fix” to stay as I was, I was greeted with the same answer… for years mental health professionals tried to “cure” transgender people by making them cisgender… and it worked about as well as reparative therapy for gay people. That is, it didn’t work.

Psychotherapy that tries to make trans people not trans only makes depression, anxiety, and suicidality worse. As many of you now know, I had been down that path and my turning to the doctors was my only chance of continuing to function and live, once I came to terms the old me would have to go and the new me appear, I accepted that medical, social, and legal transition is the only recognized treatment that helps.

Transgender is a medical and psychological diagnosis. It is listed in both the International Classification of Diseases (ICD) and the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders (DSM). Physicians use the ICD. Psychologists use the DSM. Transgender is listed either as “Gender Dysphoria” or as “Gender Identity Disorder”, depending on the source, but it is the same thing to me.

The fact that transgender is listed as a disorder is in itself controversial. Some feel it is a natural human variation that should not be treated as a disease. Others prefer to keep the diagnosis just as a diagnosis and see being trans as something to fix with transition. In addition, transgenderism as a medical/mental diagnosis means that some health insurances can be billed for medical care relating to being trans. Which in turn means hormone therapy and surgery can be covered by the insurance. In the UK we are lucky to have the National Health Service but the hoops the gatekeepers work by means many who can afford go via the private medical pathway.

Someone contacted me the other day and told me they think they might be Trans? However, they do not like the things they think they are supposed to…

Well that is ok! Not all women like to wear dresses or paint their nails and not all men like football/ DIY/ fast cars the list goes on and on. It does not make you any less a person nor any less Trans.

What does hurt most transgender persons, is “dead naming” and misuse/forgetting the correct pronouns when talking to them or about them.

Just put your brain in gear before your mouth then speak…

Pickled Red Cabbage Recipe

Nicola's Pickled Red cabbage

 

Ingredients

 

1 kg of red cabbage into strips

 1/2 cup salt

 2 red chili fruit

 1 medium onion

 4 cups vinegar approx.

 1/2 cup water (optional)

 1 tsp. coarsely ground or whole black pepper

 1 pinch. Ground cloves

 2 tsp. Freshly grated root ginger

 1 Bay leaf

  

 

Remove the outer leaves and quarter the cabbage, remove the tough white core from the quartered pieces, cut the cabbage into thin strips of 4 to 5mm, you can make it thicker if you wish, and place the first cut quarter in a large bowl and sprinkle all over with table salt. Do this with the remaining pieces of cabbage.  Then turning the cabbage mix the cabbage and salt in a bowl and let it stand overnight with either cling film or an old tea towel over the bowl. The salt draws out the moisture from the cut cabbage helping it to stay crunchy once pickled.

Rinse the cabbage in cold water until just about all the salt has been rinsed off.

I add chili peppers and a sliced onion to my mixture but this is optional.

If you are adding a chili, you need to wash the chili pepper and remove the seeds. Cut it into thin strips and mix with the cabbage. I now begin to add the cabbage and chili to the glass jars adding sliced onion in layers throughout the jar.

In a pan I bring to the boil the malt vinegar, (or pickling vinegar) water, black pepper, whole cloves and the grated root ginger to the boil. Let the mixture to cool for 5 minutes before pouring the seasoned vinegar in to the jars of packed red cabbage. During the cleaning and sterilizing of the glass jars, I keep them warm so the glass does not crack when adding the vinegar solution to the jars.

Seal the jars and place in a dark cool area or store cupboard to mature for a few weeks. Once open store in a refrigerator.

Pickled cabbage goes very well with BBQ Grilled foods and summer salads.

Being transgender is hard…

 

Well it comes as no surprise that transgender individuals in general experience a kind of stress that cisgender (those who identify with the gender they were assigned at birth) individuals do not, we have a lot going on.

People who identify as transwoman/transman can and often do experience stigma, discrimination, violence, and various degrees of transphobia. People who are transgender also are at higher risks for “loss pileups.” (I just love that word loss pileups) Family, friends, and even romantic partners may not understand the transition and not be able to provide love or the much the needed support. There is also a danger of job loss or financial loss, especially for transgender women. Some researchers believe this discrepancy is related to the greater difficulty transgender women have passing, as opposed to transgender men, as well as greater male privilege for transgender men. Being unemployed is not easy for anybody but just for being who you really are sucks…

There are many ways of dealing with the challenges that come with transitioning and living as a transgender individual, some are healthier than others.

So how do you deal with it I hear you say?

I think there are two basic coping styles that people use to deal with difficult things in life: Emotion-focused and problem-focused, also known as facilitative and avoidant, as my academic friends at the University tell me.

To put it in layman terms.

Avoidant coping is when you simply avoid the problem. It occurs when you avoid dealing with the emotions and thoughts that come up when you experience discrimination or loss by:

•Minimizing the issue: “I’m sure he/she/they didn’t mean it.”

•Becoming emotionally detached: “Whatever… I don’t care... So long as you’re happy”

•Over-intellectualizing: posting to friends on Facebook or similar, how the socially constructed discourse of gender and the rigid constructions of gender stereotypes are contributing to an unfriendly work environment and not adding, “It really hurt that my boss passed me over for a promotion after I started the transition from male to female.”

•Using food, drugs, or alcohol to dull your emotions or thoughts

•Isolating yourself from social interactions.

 

Paradoxically, the more you try to avoid a problem, feeling, or thought, the bigger and more anxiety-provoking it becomes your just feeding the monster..

So after much thinking and research how do you develop better coping skills with all of this stuff?

As you may of already guessed, Facilitative coping is the style use the most and I recommend. Facilitative coping is all about adaptation. It is taking whatever we are given in life and transforming ourselves or the situation to deal with it in a positive manner. The glass is half full and not half empty way of thinking is a common way of expressing this method of coping

Some ways to develop facilitative coping include:

Seeking Social and Professional Support

Seeking out social and professional support is the number one factor in decreasing anxiety and depression in transgender individuals. Discovering friends and family that are supportive of your transition, locating a local (or virtual if you live in a rural area) support group, and finding a transgender-affirmative therapist can make a massive positive impact on your experience.

Self-efficacy

As cliché as it sounds, believe in yourself! Early in the transition process, many transgender individuals experience a sense of hopelessness about the future, believing that transitioning is an impossible, daunting task. As people move further along in the transition process, these feelings begin to change as they realize they do, in fact, have the power to follow through with their transition.

Reframing

Reframing is looking at your situation in a new light. For example, reframing the difficulty one experiences while transitioning as a source of personal strength and resilience.

Acting “As if”

No one feels confident all the time. However, if you walk out the door with a smile on your face, putting out the confident air that you don’t necessarily feel in the moment, your emotions will often eventually catch up with your actions.

Learning a new skill or hobby (or reviving interest in an old one)

Cognitively challenging yourself by learning, a new skill, such as a language or instrument, has been shown to decrease anxiety and depression. Additionally, it provides an opportunity to expand your social network and find a new passion. In the same way, reviving an interest in an old hobby can be immensely fulfilling.

Education and Advocacy is the best way.

I think many transgender individuals find great joy and meaning in doing education and advocacy work for the transgender community. I know I do but I was a high school teacher for a few years so I find it easy some may not… When someone is further along in the transition process they might find a new source of meaning in helping someone new to the process, talking through the initial anxiety him or her may be facing, and offer them hope for the future based on personal experiences and of course in my case the knowledge that comes with age.

To be very honest, which is what my blog is all about.

Being transgender is hard and I knew it would be a hard thing to do especially at this stage in my life. it’s had at any time in a person’s life.  I can’t deny I had a great life “acting” as a male I guess I had everything a person wants in life and guess what… I threw it all into the air not knowing what I would be left with, being transgender is hard.

Hard on the person and hard on family and friends, some will rally round and some will walk away, to be honest I am ok with that decision if they choose to walk away it’s their problem not mine. Those who stay with you on this journey of change are worth their weight in gold as the saying goes. Therefore, in reflection from this point looking back it was the best decision I ever made to get to the point of finally coming out as me. Like me or hate me for it I’m just me.

 

The things you give up...

 

If you’re a cis-female rest assured you are completely immune from Man Flu.

 

If on the other hand your transgender female it's still a deadly condition you need to avoid catching... I nearly fell afoul of it at the weekend with a cold I picked up from somewhere, but I did not get Man Flu... just a common cold (wow the thing you give up just to be a woman) 

 

 

 

 

If you’re reading this rest assured your beloved XY (male) dependant partner will shortly become completely and totally dependent on you, requiring you to tend to his every need I’m speaking as a recovered sufferer.

Do not shun any request, do not forget that the affliction that he's suffering from is hundreds of times worse than the simple affliction which you know and understand as the common cold and you manage to get everything done while overcoming this common cold.

 

There are three known distinct stages to Man Flu and it's important you know your responsibilities so let’s set these out now:

 

Stage 1 for me is “I think I'm coming down with a cold.”

Don't forget, even the NHS medical experts recommend self-diagnosis, and as you already know All XY men are experts at recognising the early stages of anything.

At this point you will be expected to sympathise, any flippant comments now such as , "Oh I expect it's Man Flu is it?", will cause immediate deterioration.it just knocks them for six every time.

Preferred responses will be along the lines of, "There there, can I get you some ‘soup’ and put your favourite TV channel on for you, do you have the remote dear? Need a blanket or a pillow". This stage can last from one to three days. it’s very important you allow this time to pass otherwise things can get complicated fast.

 

Stage 2 - It's not a cold, it's the 'flu. 

Your beloved will barely be able to lift his fingers to work the remote control by now it is really a very serious phase of the condition. There will be dramatic displays of coughing and chest holding. He may well present a sniffly nose, and perhaps a ‘phantom’ fever with headaches and joint pain running his entire body. Do not mention Man 'Flu as he already knows it's life or death condition he has contracted.

Instead continue to serve comfort food like to odd bowl or bag of chocolates or crisps You may also be required to gently dab his forehead with a lightly dampened cloth. This life threatening stage for the sufferer and may last from three to five days personal hygiene can slip with some XY’s.

 

Stage 3 - It's not completely gone, but I think it's going. 

 

By this stage your beloved will be physically exhausted a total wreck of a man. He will have spent the previous seven days teetering on the brink of death only to have just pulled through by the skin of his teeth. However, he will start to feel less 'achy all over', and begin to move short distances away from the sofa or arm chair. You must of course hang in there with your pampering, you're nearly done.

The standard time for a man at this stage can typically last from six to ten days it all depends on the earlier stages and the care he received. Please be aware that any sarcastic references to Man Flu at this stage can render the hapless victim straight back to the life threatening Stage 2. Its been known to happen. He should be allowed a suitable period of convalescence (the length to be suggested by him) prior to being tasked with light household tasks forcing tasks of any importance on to him will set him back day and scar him. 

Now I have had a bit of fun at the expense of all of my male friends.

 

Just by coming out as a transgender female, I have not only managed to evade the dreaded Man-Flu from this point onwards… I have learned the world still turns on its axis and chores have to be done. Kids need picking up from school, feeding and the days washing done, to my Mum, Wife and Daughter I’m truly sorry. 


To my son and other XY’s reading this get your backside up and do something it’s only a cold. By the way, the photo is a stock photo and is not intended to offend or imply anything other than a man with man-flu.

 

Transgender Day of Visibility



Transgender day of Visibility is normally shortened to TDOV when it is written down so if you see TDOV you will know what it is standing for.

 

TDOV is a day to show your support for the transgender community.

The general aim is to bring attention to the accomplishments of transgender people around the globe while fighting cissexism and transphobia by spreading knowledge of the transgender community. Unlike Transgender Day of Remembrance, this is not a day for mourning: this is a day of empowerment. Therefore, I hear readers saying when is the day well it’s on March 31st every year!

You can find it all over the place there are Facebook posts about it and look out for the hashtag #tdov on social media.

This year’s theme is more than visibility (#MoreThanVisibility) this recognizes that while visibility is important, we must take direct action against transphobia around the world.

Visibility is not enough alone to bring transgender liberation. Some people experience violence due to their visibility and some others do not want to be visible. However, we can use visibility as a vital tool for transgender justice.

So on the 31^st  March, please discuss and talk about transgender on your social media posts and join in if there is any activity happening in your area, Transgender people are normal people just like your brother or sister, Mom or Dad they are not monsters or strange just people who need love like everybody else.

 

P.S.

I love hugs… so if you see me give me a big hug it will make my day for sure…