I'm not LGBTQ where do I go for help and support?

 I'm not LGBTQ where do I go for help and support?

The answer is Straight Partners Anonymous (SPA) they are a support organisation for straight (Heterosexual) people who discover or who are told that their partner is identifying as Lesbian Gay Bisexual or Transgender (LGBT) and need help in coming to terms with this discovery and support in their decision about what to do next.

Straight Partners Anonymous was set up back in 2008, they have been running online since 2011 and operate from the UK.

SPA’s say on their webpage their that purpose is to bring together straight people whose relationship with their gay, lesbian, or bisexual partner is in crisis. The nature of the crisis can be variable; perhaps the LGBT partner has just come out, or perhaps they feel they are unable to come out of the closet. We exist to support and help each other, not to criticise gay, lesbian, bisexual or transgender people. Our bywords are confidentiality, privacy, and respect.

If you are the LGBT partner in the relationship, please pass this web address below to your straight partner and encourage them to get in touch. We are here to support them. However, you may find our perspective useful, so please feel free to browse through the website.

https://straightpartnersanonymous.com/contact-us/

You have to remember your partner has to go through several stages once you "come out to them" you have more than likely had years and years to process how you identify and have been masking your feelings, till you can no longer cope with not being who you feel you really are? Your partner will have feelings of Denial and Shock, and then they will have masses of Anger and Resentment, with this comes questions like

How could my partner have done this to me?

Why didn’t he/she tell me this before we got together?

He/she really didn’t love me at all?

He/she is a coward and a fraud?

I don’t deserve this when I’ve tried hard to make him/her happy?

Doesn’t he/she care about our children and how this will affect their lives?

He/she obviously doesn’t respect me because he/she has cheated and lied...

The list goes on and on depending on the situation, and how long you have been in the partnership/marriage as you might have experienced or are expecting people will also feel a sense of Withdrawal and Depression, this is usually when your partner realises that nothing they can think say or do will change your orientation! For some people that means becoming a single parent and/or financial instability, whilst others will have lost confidence to trust their own judgement and fear that they’re unable to survive alone. 

At some point doesn't your partner will have to reach a point of Acceptance this is when they reach the conclusion and understand that your sexual orientation and the failure of your relationship aren’t, anybody's fault.

Now not every transgender person is interested in the opposite sex say they transition from male to female they may not want to be with men and feel no sexual attraction to males. They may still love females and be attracted to females just as cis lesbians do. 

Some may not come out to the world and just be happy expressing their feminine nature in the privacy of their own home. There are always ways to stay in a marriage if both parties still love each other and wish to make it work.

Teenagers tend to be well educated in Transgender issues and can have peers who have identified as a different gender, or who are experimenting with their gender identity and trying to Identify as he, her, they or them. This doesn't make them a bad person now does it? As a parent we all want the best for our children and for them to be level-headed and happy making the right decisions as they grow to become adults in this world, able to hold their own and be successful in that ever they decide to do in their lives.

If your child comes to you and starts talking about gender please sit with them, listen to them be there for them. Help and support them, help them explore their feelings. Remember common sense is not that common and children have to grow and develop their own common sense in life! Adults who set the rules give guidance and allow children to grow but remember they don't know everything,!  

I know of some people who have been left homeless just for saying they are Transgender, in my mind there is no reason for such action to make it so they have to sleep on the streets where it's totally unsafe for them adult or child. 

So the Genie is out of the bottle time to Transition.

So you have now decided to transition and be the real you, not just a secret.

Well you have come to the right place for information on my transition, and how it might help you to transition. I went from male to female but the process is the same for female to male.

First I recommend two things one, buy a box file for paperwork, and two, start generating a timeline starting as young as you can remember feeling at odds in your body, for me I was five years old.

But for you it can be any time you realised it was all wrong and someone or something had made a massive mistake with your body.

(At this point I would like to say GOD doesn’t make mistakes you are how GOD intended you to be… so if your religious or your family are let’s get that out in the open now before I move on, I say this because my family are Christians and church going, I tend not to bother GOD as he appears quite busy with other goings on).  

So once you have a timeline keep adding to it, documenting what you’re doing and events that are important to your transition. You can thank me later…

At some stage of your transition you will have to change your name by legal deed-pol, (in the UK) there are free sites out there, just check that they are legally accepted as a lot are not. I went to a solicitor and got an official deed-pol, but that was my choice. 

You will need to carry out your name change on everything that holds your old name, from bank accounts to utility bills, council tax to store cards, passports and driving licences everything.

The sooner you do this, and keep a record and any evidence of it the better.

When you finally get your first appointment with the gender clinic, if you can prove you have lived in your chosen gender for a period of time, which should be able to do with your timeline document this in theory should reduce the time you spend waiting to get the Clinics okay for hormone treatment.

I was concerned with how I looked and I didn’t want to be outed as a male transitioning to female, so look at what people of your age group are wearing, and aim for something similar or a little understated, if you want to blend into society fairly hassle free. For goodness sake don't overdo things like make up or outlandish outfits. Just be yourself and confident, keep your head held high, going about your everyday business, if you look and feel confident in your chosen clothes and makeup you will not stand out like a sore thumb, you will be surprised as most people won't even notice you. Which means you’ve passed as your chosen gender which in my case Female.

Transitioning is quite a long process but assuming you have already reached the decision to transition let’s move on.

It’s best to visit your chosen General Practitioner GP/Doctor, and ask to be referred to a gender clinic, you can normally choose which one, but do bear in mind, you'll need to attend the Gender Identity Clinic a lot of times during your transition, but tell your GP which gender clinics you want to be under however, at present there isn't many to choose from in the UK. 

It’s wise to ask the doctor for a copy of the letter they send referring you to a GIC, (do you remember the box file I said get at the beginning, stick it in there) unfortunately all too often I hear that their GP/Dr 'forgot' to send the letter and they have lost 6 months waiting to hear back from the GIC and lists are horrendously long as it is.

So at some stage you will need to tell your Family, Employer, Work colleagues and Friends, be prepared as they might not react the way you wanted or expected either from Family or friends ect. Remember it’s taken you quite a while to get to this point… But explain everything to them, how you feel and why you are doing it.

With some luck your family will come round, but it may take some time for them to digest the news. Your employer will have a duty under the law to accept your news (Equalities Act 2010 if you’re in the UK) and deal with anything untoward from colleagues and co-workers. If you’re in a trades union they are also are very helpful and are fully LGBTQ compliant with current issues and the law etc. my Union was the GMB and were faultless in helping me, as was the companies Unison’s rep which was nice.

copy and paste these wiki links to learn more. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equality_Act_2010
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_Recognition_Act_2004

Transgender Male to Female Breast Elargement Surgery

Breast enlargement surgery, also known as breast augmentation or a boob job is the cosmetic procedure to enlarge the size of the breasts with the use of implants.

The implants used to enlarge the breasts are either silicone or saline.

A 'boob job', this type of procedure is one of the most popular cosmetic surgery procedures for Transgender women in Manchester and throughout the UK.

When a Transgender woman opts for breast enlargement surgery, their main aim is usually to give themselves breasts that match that of a CIS woman, the aim is to improve your self confidence and overall looks.

This is achieved with enlarging the breasts, which gives breasts a fuller feel and can positively impact the mind and body.

Why Choose This Procedure?

Enlarging the breasts will add volume, making them look more round and larger.

Trangender women who are unhappy with their breasts development from cross sex hormones, whether because they are still flat, or have recently experienced change such as weight-loss, this procedure will give you the breasts you should have been born with, the procedure is identical as for a CIS woman.

You will need to have professional advice prior to surgery, where you will discuss the different procedures and different types of implants and techniques available  a professional consultants is able to advise on.

Although breast enlargement is a way for many transgender women to help their self esteem and boost their self confidence, however it is a decision that should not be taken lightly.

If you are considering implants, then it is important to research on-line and speak with a surgeon, who can provide you with professional advice on your needs, realistic goals and procedure options that are available for you and your body.

Discuss Your Needs With A Consultant

Many of the points to take in to consideration when looking for breast surgery include:

• Do you want silicone or saline implants?
• Do you want teardrop or round implants?
• What size implant do you have in mind?
• Will the implant be placed behind the chest wall muscle, or behind the breast tissue?

These are all important points that can be discussed with your cosmetic surgeon.

Your surgeon will also explain the advantages and risks of each of your choices and how it can affect your body Certain factors can determine what procedure you should opt for, such as body-shape, build and weight.

About The Procedure

Breast enlargement procedures are performed under general anaesthetic.

The procedure normally takes around 90 minutes to complete and your surgeon, depending on your procedure, may perform one of three incisions.

1. Under the breast 

2. Around the nipple

3. Near the arm-pit

Incision size depends on where about your chosen implant is being placed.

Once placed, the incision is stitched and the breasts are supported with a dressing and support bra.

If your surgeon recommends that the breasts will need draining of blood and fluids post surgery, small tubes are left inside the breasts for a couple of days. This is common and does not indicate surgery problems.

Recovery

After undergoing breast enlargement surgery, it is normal for a person to feel some discomfort. This can also include swelling, bruising and hardness of the breasts.

For transgender women that feel side effects, painkillers are advised to curb and control pain. It is normal to experience discomfort for up to a few weeks post surgery.

Stitches in the breasts are removed after 7-14 days and scars will continue to fade for the 12 months that follow.

Complications

As with all surgical procedures, there are some risks and complications that can occur.

With breast enlargement, there are a number of specific risks and side effects that you should be aware of before having breast surgery, including:

Infection
Infections are very rare in breast enlargement surgery, however, women can get an infection, which sometimes requires the implant to be removed and inserted at a later date.

Nerve Damage
Although loss of sensation around the nipple can occur on a temporary basis post surgery, there is a chance that some numbness can be permanent.

Rupture
An implant can rupture or leak because of injury - such as a blow to the breast, age or capsular contracture.

Capsular contracture
Internal scar tissue can form a capsule around the implant, which contracts it and causes it to change shape or feel hard. Although one of the more common complications, the chances of it happening are approximately 5%. In most cases, people will notice this complication within the first 24 months of surgery.

Displacement
Implants can sometimes displace inside the breast. Although moving implants is rare, if the displacement is large it will need to be corrected with surgery.

Necrosis
When cells or tissue die or fail to receive sufficient blood supply, it is known as necrosis. This can happen during the healing process and will require surgery to fix it.

Galactorrhoea
The spontaneous production of breast milk can happen after breast surgery. This complication is very rare but if it occurs can go away on its own. However, there has been cases where implant removal is required.

Haematoma
Sometimes a pool of clotted blood can collect in a cavity within the body, known as haematoma.

Seroma
Seroma is fluid that can develop in a cavity after surgery made up of blood plasma, which requires drainage.

How I wear high heels without hurting my feet. (Too much)

.

Victory loves preparation...

  

Walking in high heels can be painful. Very painful. That is if you make some common mistakes. So here is how to wear high heels without hurting your feet

So if you want to wear high heels and walk in them like a supermodel, you have to do your homework first. It doesn’t happen like most things in life just because you put the heels on your feet. So you have to take your time to learn how to

First measure your feet and select the correct size that fits you properly feet grow and shrink a bit, so squeezing into a pair that just fits you on a cool day will be hell on a hot day as your feet react to the changes. If you are an odd size or your feet are different sizes, which most people are opt for the bigger one and use a gel insert. Also do not underestimate the importance of having proper width in your shoes men and woman’s feet are different shape so select your shoes with care.

It is really tempting to go straight for those sexy stiletto high heels. But can you handle them? I couldn’t so why not start with lower heights first so your feet can get used to it? Just because you’ve been a passenger on a plane it doesn’t automatically mean you can fly it does it, you need time and training first, it’s the same with high heels.

As you get older your joints become less flexible so are your joints flexible enough?  A quick and easy test a shoe sales person in my local store told me was with your high heels on, stand on your toes as high up as you can without support. The heels should lift up at least a half an inch from the floor, otherwise they are too high for you. It was a good tip that has served me well.

A lot of people make a very common mistake of wearing only one or two pairs of shoes for a few days straight. What really matters though is diversity in your footwear. Mix and match your shoes more often, try to wear different heel heights every day, have a couple types and styles for those days off from heels such as some sneakers or other lower shoes. The variety is important to keep your feet away from getting “fixed” to a certain shoe style which will make over a short period of time difficult to feel relaxed in anything else, young people have their favourite shoes that tend to be skater style trainers trying to get a young person to wear anything else is a struggle ask any parent!

I always avoid wearing my high heels on a bare foot. You need either a thin pair of socks or stockings on as it will lower the friction between foot and shoe and make it much more comfortable and will lower the pain.

Once you have a correctly fitting shoe that isn’t too tall for you, you need to learn to walk in them, learn to keep proper posture. This means head up, spine straight, belly in. Take shorter strides, put the heel on the ground first and then the ball of the foot. Take short breaks from time to time my father would always tell me Victory loves preparation and its true in wearing high heels.

To help you start on your first pair of high heels,  select a shoe with lower height heels, pick a pair with thick heels rather than stilettos as you will wobble like hell in them, also avoid thin sole’s on your first high heels your feet will thank you for it...

Transgender music to listen to.

Terrorvision is a band from the Bradford area of West Yorkshire in Great Britain.


Terrovision released this single in 1998, singing about Josephine, who they first knew as Joe. She was always a good friend (“when friends were hard to find”), and, thankfully, her transition was a non-issue. “So we talked all night/And I just can't pretend/Although I lost old Joe/I got a new girlfriend.”

Terrorvision - “Josephine”

Another artist is singer Alison Goldfrapp details the dream world young Annabel lives in, where she can only imagine being herself when she closes her eyes. “When you dream you only dream you’re Annabel/Sleep reminds you takes you there, oh Annabel,” Goldfrapp coos, ending with “Only a boy under that.” The 2013 music video offers a literal interpretation, including a young trans girl blissfully twirling in pearls and a sequin dress.

Bad Suns - “Salt”

The pop-punk band’s 2014 single “Salt” was inspired by a friend of theirs who was struggling with their gender identity. “Stuck inside of the wrong frame/I don't feel attached to this name,” frontman Christo Bowman sings. “My body, I must reclaim/With different eyes and no shame.” The music video, a gorgeously choreographed but dark component from director Daniel Campos, starred dancer Tamara Levinson as she dealt with the traumas of depression, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault before ultimately deciding to have gender reassignment surgery.

Jillette Johnson - “Cameron"

Another song about a young gender-non-conforming person who isn’t accepted by their family or society, “Cameron” is one of Jillette Johnson’s most beloved songs -- which might be because it’s directly inspired by a real life Cameron she knew and loved. The soulful singer repeats, over and over, that Cameron isn’t the alien the world thinks they are -- “Cameron, you're a star/A light where there is dark/And you're a hundred times a woman/A hundred times the man that they are.”

Manchester Sparkle

 

 

 

 



I have just bought this wonderful summer dress to wear to Manchester Sparkle in early July this year (2017) Weather permitting that is. Since the horrendous attack on the Manchester Arena this week (22nd May 2017) I'm more determined to attend the Sparkle event than ever before.


Manchester is a fantastic city with some great places to visit and see, the Manchester people are strong and always pull together when facing adversary of any kind. This terror attack will be handled in the same way that Mancunians have done so for years. This is not the first explosion to rock the great city. “We won’t take defeat and we don’t want your pity” is a phase you will see in the UK press and on the internet and its just about sums up this proud united city.
Tony Walsh a self-styled Longfella recited an ode at the recent vigil gathering in the cities centre. thousands were in attendance.

"We keep fighting back with Greater Manchester spirit
Northern grit, northern wit, and Greater Manchester’s lyrics
And these hard times again, in these streets of our city
But we won’t take defeat and we don’t want your pity."

 

Everyone at the vigil gathering roared their approval, and there was prolonged, heartfelt applause as he finished the ode. His words have now gone viral across social media around the world, capturing a moment that summed up the mood that evening.

The city is open for business and the Transgender Sparkle event is just one event in the city that will continue to happen in and around Manchester regardless of terror attacks or any threats. Sparkle will once again take place in Sackville Gardens, Manchester in 2017 as follows:

• Sparkle Fringe        1st to 7th July 2017
• Sparkle Weekend   7th to 9th July 2017

 

The Sparkle event is open to all to attend you don't have to be LGBT just human (I think and that's flexible by the sounds of things :-))  So get your party pants on and get down or up to Sparkle Manchester 2017 it's going to be great, and even greater if more than last year turn out to support Transgender people.

 

 

Ulcerated Colitis

 

Just when you think you have a handle on all that life can throw you, I found out I have severe Ulcerated Colitis. 

If like me you didn't know anything about the condition you could be missing the bigger picture I certainly was, having ME you generally suffer with IBS at some point, I mistook my IBD for IBS.

Now the initials sound similar but the medical condition is in my view much worst.

Inflamed Bowel Disease is a disabling condition and limits what a person can do, as they need to be able to "get the seat down" in seconds when out and about it’s a case of going going gone...

I could write a very personal blog on the toilet habits of a UC sufferer but I would only be repeating what thousands of sufferers will tell you, instead I will guide you to the best source of information I could find in the UK below is a bit from a this most excellent source of information on the subject.

(https://www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/)

“Crohn's Disease and Ulcerative Colitis are the two main forms of Inflammatory Bowel Disease, affecting more than 300,000 people in the UK.

Yet it is largely a hidden disease, and one that causes stigma, fear and isolation – it’s thought that many people with the condition go undiagnosed and suffer in silence. It doesn’t have to be like this.

What is Ulcerative Colitis?

Ulcerative Colitis is a condition that causes inflammation and ulceration of the inner lining of the rectum and colon (the large bowel). In UC, tiny ulcers develop on the surface of the lining and these may bleed and produce pus.

The inflammation usually begins in the rectum and lower colon, but it may affect the entire colon. If UC only affects the rectum, it is called proctitis, while if it affects the whole colon it may be called total colitis or pancolitis.

It’s one of the two main forms of Inflammatory Bowel Disease (IBD). The other is Crohn’s Disease.

Ulcerative Colitis is a chronic condition. This means that it is ongoing and life-long, although you may have periods of good health (remission), as well as times when symptoms are more active (relapses or flare-ups).

What are the symptoms?

Ulcerative Colitis is a very individual condition and its symptoms will vary from person to person. They range from mild to severe and may also change over time.

Some people remain well for a long time, while others have frequent flare-ups. However, the most common symptoms are:

• Diarrhoea
• Cramping pains in the abdomen
• Tiredness and fatigue
• Feeling generally unwell or feverish
• Loss of appetite and weight loss
• Anaemia (a reduced level of red blood cells).

Find out more about the symptoms of Ulcerative Colitis

Who gets Ulcerative Colitis?

It’s estimated that UC affects about one in every 420 people in the UK (roughly 146,000 people).

UC is more common in urban areas and in northern developed countries, although we’re starting to see an increase in numbers in developing nations, too.

UC is also more common in white people of European descent, especially those descended from Ashkenazi Jews (those who lived in Eastern Europe and Russia).

It can start at any age, though it often appears for the first time between the ages of 15 and 25. It affects men and women equally.

UC tends to develop more frequently in non-smokers and ex-smokers than in smokers – but health professionals strongly advise against smoking as a way of treating Ulcerative Colitis.  See Smoking and IBD for more information.

Our Ambassadors embody the wide range of people who get Crohn’s Disease. Read their stories.

What are the causes & is there a cure?

Although there has been a lot of research, we still don’t really know what causes Ulcerative Colitis.  However, advances have been made in recent years, particularly in genetics and we now believe that UC is caused by a combination of factors:

- the genes you’re born with
- plus an abnormal reaction of the digestive system to bacteria in the intestine
- along with an unknown 'trigger' that could include viruses, other bacteria, diet, stress, or something else in the environment.

There isn't a cure at the moment but a lot can be done with medication and surgery to help keep symptoms under control.

Read about the research we’re funding into the causes and treatment of Ulcerative Colitis 

What treatments are there for Ulcerative Colitis?

Ulcerative Colitis can often be managed by medication (drug treatment), but surgery can be necessary if symptoms are very bad.

Your treatment will depend on the type and severity of your UC and the choices you make with your doctor.

Find out what treatments are available for Ulcerative Colitis.

Can Ulcerative Colitis have complications?

More than a third of people with UC develop other conditions outside of the digestive system, mainly affecting the joints, eyes and skin.

Inflammation of the joints (arthritis) affects about one out of 10 people with UC. Some people with UC also develop ankylosing spondylitis, a condition in which the joints in the spine and pelvis become inflamed and stiff. Drugs and physiotherapy are used to treat these symptoms.

A variety of other health conditions can be associated with UC, including:

• skin problems, such as mouth ulcers, blisters and ulcers on the skin, and painful red swellings, usually on the legs
• inflammation of the eyes
• thinner and weaker bones
• liver inflammation
• blood clots (including deep vein thrombosis)
• anaemia.

It’s important to stress that Ulcerative Colitis is not a form of cancer. However, if you have had extensive or total colitis (pancolitis) for many years, you have a greater risk than normal of developing cancer in the colon or rectum. For more information about this, see our information sheet Bowel Cancer and IBD

Find out more about complications by downloading our Ulcerative Colitis booklet

What are the challenges of living with the condition?

Living with a chronic condition like Ulcerative Colitis  can have both an emotional and practical impact on your life.  There may be times when you have to make adjustments and take time to recuperate, for example, if you are having a flare-up.  On the other hand, when you are well you may be able to live life to the full. 

Most obviously, you are likely to see your GP and perhaps also your hospital IBD team quite regularly. It’s good to build up a good relationship with them, as that can make seeking and receiving treatment a less stressful process.  See our booklet My Crohn’s and Colitis Care for more information about to work with your IBD team to get the best out of your care.

Flare-ups can be disruptive to relationships and work – sometimes you may need to cancel engagements and take time off when you are feeling unwell.   It can be very helpful if you feel you can open up about your condition to those around you – your family, friends, work colleagues and employers.  Telling particularly family and friends at least something about your illness may make them feel reassured and more able to give you the support you need.

Diet is considered a factor in the appearance and severity of symptoms by many people with Ulcerative Colitis – although research has not produced clear answers on whether diet plays a role in UC.

Generally, the most important thing is to eat a nutritious and balanced diet to maintain your weight and strength, and to drink sufficient fluids to stop you getting dehydrated. 

However, you may find during flare-ups that certain foods affect your symptoms.  Bland, soft foods may cause less discomfort than raw vegetables, spicy and high-fibre foods .

Most women with Ulcerative Colitis can expect a normal pregnancy and a healthy baby. Also, for most women, having a baby does not make their UC worse. But if you do become pregnant during a flare-up, you may be more likely to give birth early or have a baby with a low birth weight. Your doctor should be able to help you to control your symptoms as much as possible, and it may be helpful to discuss your options with them if you are thinking of having a baby.

Around a quarter of people are children or adolescents when they are diagnosed with IBD, and symptoms in young people often appear around the age of 12. Ulcerative Colitis in children tends to be more extensive in children than adults, and consequently more severe.

Download our free information sheet on Staying well with IBD

- See more at: https://www.crohnsandcolitis.org.uk/about-inflammatory-bowel-disease/ulcerative-colitis#sthash.qaiqa8jG.dpuf

Hopefully, upon reading this blog page you will have a better understanding of Ulcerative Colitis and I would like to thank chronsandcolitis.org for the information they gave me on their web site when I was first diagnosed in a NHS hospital in my home town.

So why have I chosen to blog about my UC on my Transgender blog site well there is a link.

Taking female hormones as transgender male to female as you have to do, in order to alter loads of incorrect things with your body, the hormones has the effect of increasing the risk for ulcerative colitis (UC), but not Crohn's disease (CD), according to my consultant at the gender clinic I attend. He sees many transgender M2F people discovering they now have UC. It’s not a show stopper as such on the transition side, and lower surgery can still go ahead in most cases but it needs to be under control and not in flair up mode for obvious reasons.

A transgender person’s BMI is taken into account so being on or below your BMI is a good thing as far as lower surgery is concerned so if like me you have UC just watch your diet as my weight yoyos between flair ups quite a bit.

When I have a flair up I tend to reduce my insoluble fibre intake and make more healthy 80% veg 20% fruit juice as meal replacements I live on a modified vegan diet or a heavily modified paleo type of diet, as it reduces my “seat down time” spent going the loo.