‘The volume has been turned up on everything at the moment’: The pandemic has placed alarming pressure on transgender mental health across the world.

Covid19 has been a blow to everyone, it has been a difficult period for LGBTQ people all over the world. If you have lost a loved one you are in my prayers.  

I found it difficult being in lockdown for months shielding from the virus hoping a vaccine is made that will work. More and more its looking like covid19 is like a game of “whack a mole” every time we think we have it under control a new strain pops up and we struggle to control it again back down to acceptable levels of infection within the general population. (This is known as the R number) what is this got to do with being transgender you say?

Well, a lot of LGBTQ people are stuck inside with abusive and hateful members of their family who can’t accept a son/daughter of theirs or a brother/sister is transgender, and you can’t go out and just talk like we could do before the lockdowns and shielding, so mental health issues are a problem for all during a pandemic, but the LGBTQ community is especially hard hit. Not being able to express your gender and passing a mirror in the house hating to see your body’s reflection as it’s the wrong body you see. Also just about all non-essential surgeries have been put on hold due to the strain Covid19 has placed on hospitals, this is causing untold damage to people waiting for upper or lower surgeries, this damage to their mental health needs to be considered and consideration be shown to the Transgender community when these surgeries restart start up again, perhaps the gatekeepers of the transgender clinics will understanding for once.
To the trans community stay strong, talk online chat on what’s app, post to twitter anyway you chose to communicate to others, just make sure you are not bottling it up for the sake of your mental health. If you cand dress full in the gender wear items under your “everyday clothes” if you can, we will soon be through this pandemic and the world will once again be open for business, you will get the chance to express yourself, just hang in there. 

Let me tell you about my friend "Amy" I’m sure she will not mind.

My friend who I will call Amy (this is not her real name but to keep her privacy safe, we will know her as Amy.) 

Amy is transitioning in a large city in Canada, she is having a difficult time with her family understanding Transgender and accepting her, as she wishes to be a female and not a male. The family are religious God-fearing members of their community. It’s a large family with Aunt’s & Uncles and lots of Cousins who all keep close to each other by the sounds of things. 

They have said vile things to Amy and excluded her from family events and gatherings and she is not allowed to be who she really is, they appear to be happy she isn't happy! 

Which is very sad as Amy, has in the past suffered a terrific accident and was clinically dead several times from the trauma her body had undergone in an accident. The accident happened in Europe and her family were in Canada and in Poland. Amy, recovered but during the periods of near death she had what can only be described as visions and in these visions, she realised she is in the incorrect gender, and is not in fact Male but Female. 

These feelings have grown stronger and stronger till she reached out to the internet to enquire more about the feelings and how normal it is to feel like this, by chance I saw a posting from her newly created account in her chosen name, and I decided to make contact for once instead of doing nothing, I felt I had something to give in the way of knowledge and experience of transitioning and if nothing else just a shoulder to cry on. To be able to help and be there for her at difficult times has been a wonderful experience, as helping and giving an honest opinion on things has, I hope been of use to her.

 My transition wasn’t easy so let’s be honest nobody’s is really easy, we all have parents, partners, brothers, sisters and so on all are affected by a decision to transition from one gender to another. 

Their standings in the family change the eldest daughter is overnight now the eldest son or the bouncing baby boy you had as a brother, is now a girl and is now your sister. or you now have two Dad’s or Two Mum’s I’m sure you get what I’m alluding to here.

It’s difficult, but if the love was there, it should be there once you transition, if it disappears when you come out was it really there? (thats something to think about)

True love is all encompassing, I would defend my children and wife (yes we are still together and madly in love) with my life in a blink of an eye. Yes, they do wrong at times, they can be a idiot and make stupid mistakes, I might not like them at that moment in time for a second or two, but I have never stopped loving them, so I find my friends situation a puzzle. 

She loves her family, but they have a very strange way of showing the same to her since she expressed a wish to live as a female. Amy is a private person who doesn’t want her identity known or for it to get out into the public domain, and I respect that 100%. We all must make a living doing something and if being exposed as transgender before you officially come out, is going to ruin a family business or a corporation’s image then its right to control the situation you’re in. As others will loose as well as yourself you may have to let loyal staff go due to a turn down in trade or companies not trading with you any longer because of it. We all know the press loves a good story and think nothing of running a story whether it’s damaging or not to the person their family or their business.

I hope with the threat of covid19 and so many unfortunate people having their lives cut short by the virus, her family realise she is here alive, well and they are lucky to have such a daughter in their lives. I hope and pray everything works out for her and she gets the rest of her life to be happy and living life to the fullest as her true self.

Amy my little sister, you know I'm still here when you need someone to talk to, ask questions of and seek some advice, we maybe miles apart but seconds away on a keyboard.

 I decided to put up the Families clans tartan as an image of family and family values.

Photo from 

https://www.washingtonpost.com/health/2020/08/18/coronavirus-transgender/?arc404=true

Photo of Brenda Emery who hoped that after undergoing surgery, she would be comfortable in her body as a transgender woman. Then, the coronavirus pandemic caused cancellation of elective surgeries. (Bill O'Leary/The Washington Post)

Covid19 and Transgender

 Well the world changed in 2020 with covid19 spreading around the world, thousands have died to date, we have several vaccines coming into the fight against the virus, at the time of writing. The long term effects of these vaccines is still unknown. Or what protection a person have once they have had one of the vaccines, I personally think a cure will be difficult and as the virus mutates I suspect it will be difficult to actually nail it. I am pro vaccine so I’m going to be in the queue for which ever I’m offered in the hope it will give some protection.  

Being in lockdown and being transgender has given rise to increased mental health problems for many as it’s been for many LGBTQ 🏳️‍⚧️ people struggling with their feelings and how families are reacting to news of them coming out, whilst under a lockdown, my heart goes out to people in that position. 

All of my gender clinic appointments are on line via MS Teams or similar. It’s difficult to feel the same as an actual person to person appointment at the clinic, I only hope the clinics are able to see more people in this new format.  Seeing my normal doctor at the local GP surgery is reduced bro just a telephone call which I find frustrating to say the least, at least with a video meeting they can see you and make a better informed diagnosis, I have been able to see a nurse for my flu injection and my male hormone blocker injections, I attend the local hospital for any blood tests. These are difficult times to begin transitioning or coming out to family or work colleagues as people are shielding or just working from home and may not fully understand the person’s situation or fears of rejection. Plus we have had a horrendous amount of people who have lost family and friends from the covid19 virus, and can’t understand or take in the information of someone transitioning, we all need to understand what’s currently happening and show respect. There have been a massive rise in the lgbtq community seeking help from various charities and support associations, so if you are struggling please reach out to these support associations like the Samaritans in the UK. https://www.samaritans.org/how-we-can-help/

Please seek help if you feel trapped and lost all hope, there’s no shame in reaching out. Things change in people’s lives all the time and we all need help at some point in our lives, so do the right thing and ask for help. 

So the Genie is out of the bottle time to Transition.

So you have now decided to transition and be the real you, not just a secret.

Well you have come to the right place for information on my transition, and how it might help you to transition. I went from male to female but the process is the same for female to male.

First I recommend two things one, buy a box file for paperwork, and two, start generating a timeline starting as young as you can remember feeling at odds in your body, for me I was five years old.

But for you it can be any time you realised it was all wrong and someone or something had made a massive mistake with your body.

(At this point I would like to say GOD doesn’t make mistakes you are how GOD intended you to be… so if your religious or your family are let’s get that out in the open now before I move on, I say this because my family are Christians and church going, I tend not to bother GOD as he appears quite busy with other goings on).  

So once you have a timeline keep adding to it, documenting what you’re doing and events that are important to your transition. You can thank me later…

At some stage of your transition you will have to change your name by legal deed-pol, (in the UK) there are free sites out there, just check that they are legally accepted as a lot are not. I went to a solicitor and got an official deed-pol, but that was my choice. 

You will need to carry out your name change on everything that holds your old name, from bank accounts to utility bills, council tax to store cards, passports and driving licences everything.

The sooner you do this, and keep a record and any evidence of it the better.

When you finally get your first appointment with the gender clinic, if you can prove you have lived in your chosen gender for a period of time, which should be able to do with your timeline document this in theory should reduce the time you spend waiting to get the Clinics okay for hormone treatment.

I was concerned with how I looked and I didn’t want to be outed as a male transitioning to female, so look at what people of your age group are wearing, and aim for something similar or a little understated, if you want to blend into society fairly hassle free. For goodness sake don't overdo things like make up or outlandish outfits. Just be yourself and confident, keep your head held high, going about your everyday business, if you look and feel confident in your chosen clothes and makeup you will not stand out like a sore thumb, you will be surprised as most people won't even notice you. Which means you’ve passed as your chosen gender which in my case Female.

Transitioning is quite a long process but assuming you have already reached the decision to transition let’s move on.

It’s best to visit your chosen General Practitioner GP/Doctor, and ask to be referred to a gender clinic, you can normally choose which one, but do bear in mind, you'll need to attend the Gender Identity Clinic a lot of times during your transition, but tell your GP which gender clinics you want to be under however, at present there isn't many to choose from in the UK. 

It’s wise to ask the doctor for a copy of the letter they send referring you to a GIC, (do you remember the box file I said get at the beginning, stick it in there) unfortunately all too often I hear that their GP/Dr 'forgot' to send the letter and they have lost 6 months waiting to hear back from the GIC and lists are horrendously long as it is.

So at some stage you will need to tell your Family, Employer, Work colleagues and Friends, be prepared as they might not react the way you wanted or expected either from Family or friends ect. Remember it’s taken you quite a while to get to this point… But explain everything to them, how you feel and why you are doing it.

With some luck your family will come round, but it may take some time for them to digest the news. Your employer will have a duty under the law to accept your news (Equalities Act 2010 if you’re in the UK) and deal with anything untoward from colleagues and co-workers. If you’re in a trades union they are also are very helpful and are fully LGBTQ compliant with current issues and the law etc. my Union was the GMB and were faultless in helping me, as was the companies Unison’s rep which was nice.

copy and paste these wiki links to learn more. 
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Equality_Act_2010
https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Gender_Recognition_Act_2004

Transgender Male to Female Breast Elargement Surgery

Breast enlargement surgery, also known as breast augmentation or a boob job is the cosmetic procedure to enlarge the size of the breasts with the use of implants.

The implants used to enlarge the breasts are either silicone or saline.

A 'boob job', this type of procedure is one of the most popular cosmetic surgery procedures for Transgender women in Manchester and throughout the UK.

When a Transgender woman opts for breast enlargement surgery, their main aim is usually to give themselves breasts that match that of a CIS woman, the aim is to improve your self confidence and overall looks.

This is achieved with enlarging the breasts, which gives breasts a fuller feel and can positively impact the mind and body.

Why Choose This Procedure?

Enlarging the breasts will add volume, making them look more round and larger.

Trangender women who are unhappy with their breasts development from cross sex hormones, whether because they are still flat, or have recently experienced change such as weight-loss, this procedure will give you the breasts you should have been born with, the procedure is identical as for a CIS woman.

You will need to have professional advice prior to surgery, where you will discuss the different procedures and different types of implants and techniques available  a professional consultants is able to advise on.

Although breast enlargement is a way for many transgender women to help their self esteem and boost their self confidence, however it is a decision that should not be taken lightly.

If you are considering implants, then it is important to research on-line and speak with a surgeon, who can provide you with professional advice on your needs, realistic goals and procedure options that are available for you and your body.

Discuss Your Needs With A Consultant

Many of the points to take in to consideration when looking for breast surgery include:

• Do you want silicone or saline implants?
• Do you want teardrop or round implants?
• What size implant do you have in mind?
• Will the implant be placed behind the chest wall muscle, or behind the breast tissue?

These are all important points that can be discussed with your cosmetic surgeon.

Your surgeon will also explain the advantages and risks of each of your choices and how it can affect your body Certain factors can determine what procedure you should opt for, such as body-shape, build and weight.

About The Procedure

Breast enlargement procedures are performed under general anaesthetic.

The procedure normally takes around 90 minutes to complete and your surgeon, depending on your procedure, may perform one of three incisions.

1. Under the breast 

2. Around the nipple

3. Near the arm-pit

Incision size depends on where about your chosen implant is being placed.

Once placed, the incision is stitched and the breasts are supported with a dressing and support bra.

If your surgeon recommends that the breasts will need draining of blood and fluids post surgery, small tubes are left inside the breasts for a couple of days. This is common and does not indicate surgery problems.

Recovery

After undergoing breast enlargement surgery, it is normal for a person to feel some discomfort. This can also include swelling, bruising and hardness of the breasts.

For transgender women that feel side effects, painkillers are advised to curb and control pain. It is normal to experience discomfort for up to a few weeks post surgery.

Stitches in the breasts are removed after 7-14 days and scars will continue to fade for the 12 months that follow.

Complications

As with all surgical procedures, there are some risks and complications that can occur.

With breast enlargement, there are a number of specific risks and side effects that you should be aware of before having breast surgery, including:

Infection
Infections are very rare in breast enlargement surgery, however, women can get an infection, which sometimes requires the implant to be removed and inserted at a later date.

Nerve Damage
Although loss of sensation around the nipple can occur on a temporary basis post surgery, there is a chance that some numbness can be permanent.

Rupture
An implant can rupture or leak because of injury - such as a blow to the breast, age or capsular contracture.

Capsular contracture
Internal scar tissue can form a capsule around the implant, which contracts it and causes it to change shape or feel hard. Although one of the more common complications, the chances of it happening are approximately 5%. In most cases, people will notice this complication within the first 24 months of surgery.

Displacement
Implants can sometimes displace inside the breast. Although moving implants is rare, if the displacement is large it will need to be corrected with surgery.

Necrosis
When cells or tissue die or fail to receive sufficient blood supply, it is known as necrosis. This can happen during the healing process and will require surgery to fix it.

Galactorrhoea
The spontaneous production of breast milk can happen after breast surgery. This complication is very rare but if it occurs can go away on its own. However, there has been cases where implant removal is required.

Haematoma
Sometimes a pool of clotted blood can collect in a cavity within the body, known as haematoma.

Seroma
Seroma is fluid that can develop in a cavity after surgery made up of blood plasma, which requires drainage.

How I wear high heels without hurting my feet. (Too much)

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Victory loves preparation...

  

Walking in high heels can be painful. Very painful. That is if you make some common mistakes. So here is how to wear high heels without hurting your feet

So if you want to wear high heels and walk in them like a supermodel, you have to do your homework first. It doesn’t happen like most things in life just because you put the heels on your feet. So you have to take your time to learn how to

First measure your feet and select the correct size that fits you properly feet grow and shrink a bit, so squeezing into a pair that just fits you on a cool day will be hell on a hot day as your feet react to the changes. If you are an odd size or your feet are different sizes, which most people are opt for the bigger one and use a gel insert. Also do not underestimate the importance of having proper width in your shoes men and woman’s feet are different shape so select your shoes with care.

It is really tempting to go straight for those sexy stiletto high heels. But can you handle them? I couldn’t so why not start with lower heights first so your feet can get used to it? Just because you’ve been a passenger on a plane it doesn’t automatically mean you can fly it does it, you need time and training first, it’s the same with high heels.

As you get older your joints become less flexible so are your joints flexible enough?  A quick and easy test a shoe sales person in my local store told me was with your high heels on, stand on your toes as high up as you can without support. The heels should lift up at least a half an inch from the floor, otherwise they are too high for you. It was a good tip that has served me well.

A lot of people make a very common mistake of wearing only one or two pairs of shoes for a few days straight. What really matters though is diversity in your footwear. Mix and match your shoes more often, try to wear different heel heights every day, have a couple types and styles for those days off from heels such as some sneakers or other lower shoes. The variety is important to keep your feet away from getting “fixed” to a certain shoe style which will make over a short period of time difficult to feel relaxed in anything else, young people have their favourite shoes that tend to be skater style trainers trying to get a young person to wear anything else is a struggle ask any parent!

I always avoid wearing my high heels on a bare foot. You need either a thin pair of socks or stockings on as it will lower the friction between foot and shoe and make it much more comfortable and will lower the pain.

Once you have a correctly fitting shoe that isn’t too tall for you, you need to learn to walk in them, learn to keep proper posture. This means head up, spine straight, belly in. Take shorter strides, put the heel on the ground first and then the ball of the foot. Take short breaks from time to time my father would always tell me Victory loves preparation and its true in wearing high heels.

To help you start on your first pair of high heels,  select a shoe with lower height heels, pick a pair with thick heels rather than stilettos as you will wobble like hell in them, also avoid thin sole’s on your first high heels your feet will thank you for it...

Face Feminisation Make up

This is a very useful YouTube video on doing your makeup when you are transgender male to female person.

I have watched quite a few different videos on YouTube until I found this one video, and to tell the truth I learned more watching this video than watching the others I saw on YouTube. It’s a BBC production, so its good quality to watch and learn from and the sound is good unlike some YouTube content.

https://youtu.be/TJWvI_T2yVQ

It appears I have been doing my make-up wrong for quite a while until, I watched this person show me how they do, and it and it's really helped me. So I thought I would share what I found with everyone who reads my blog.

Getting the basics right is so important in order to achieve your desired outcome.

Practice the steps in the video I promise you in no time at all you will stunning and ready to paint the town red.

I buy quality products as I discovered the cheaper ranges tend to have issues compared to the slightly higher priced items, but to start with the cheaper ones are fine, all I did was when I need to replace an item I would stomp up the extra for the slightly more expensive range, so it doesn’t have to cost a fortune to look good.

Cleaver shopping in cosmetic discount outlets often proves worthwhile as you can get mid-range make up for the price of the cheaper stuff. In foundation I found a better choice of colour and when using it I found it was blending in on my skin was easier, and staying on looking good for longer. I always use either a spray or power fixer on my face once I have highlighted and contoured. It’s true as the well know saying goes “you get what you pay for” this is true in make-up, I also buy cruelty free, not tested on animals products as I feel it’s important.

I have tried various brow pencil, inks, and pomades plus various gels that temporary stain the hair and skin of your eyebrow some are easier to use than others some last slightly longer than others I guess if you want something longer lasting microblading would be the answer, this is something I’m going to get done soon and I will post up a page on it when I can. It gives quite long lasting results but can be a little expensive when you're saving for other things like surgery.

Transgender music to listen to.

Terrorvision is a band from the Bradford area of West Yorkshire in Great Britain.


Terrovision released this single in 1998, singing about Josephine, who they first knew as Joe. She was always a good friend (“when friends were hard to find”), and, thankfully, her transition was a non-issue. “So we talked all night/And I just can't pretend/Although I lost old Joe/I got a new girlfriend.”

Terrorvision - “Josephine”

Another artist is singer Alison Goldfrapp details the dream world young Annabel lives in, where she can only imagine being herself when she closes her eyes. “When you dream you only dream you’re Annabel/Sleep reminds you takes you there, oh Annabel,” Goldfrapp coos, ending with “Only a boy under that.” The 2013 music video offers a literal interpretation, including a young trans girl blissfully twirling in pearls and a sequin dress.

Bad Suns - “Salt”

The pop-punk band’s 2014 single “Salt” was inspired by a friend of theirs who was struggling with their gender identity. “Stuck inside of the wrong frame/I don't feel attached to this name,” frontman Christo Bowman sings. “My body, I must reclaim/With different eyes and no shame.” The music video, a gorgeously choreographed but dark component from director Daniel Campos, starred dancer Tamara Levinson as she dealt with the traumas of depression, suicidal thoughts, and sexual assault before ultimately deciding to have gender reassignment surgery.

Jillette Johnson - “Cameron"

Another song about a young gender-non-conforming person who isn’t accepted by their family or society, “Cameron” is one of Jillette Johnson’s most beloved songs -- which might be because it’s directly inspired by a real life Cameron she knew and loved. The soulful singer repeats, over and over, that Cameron isn’t the alien the world thinks they are -- “Cameron, you're a star/A light where there is dark/And you're a hundred times a woman/A hundred times the man that they are.”